Back To Your Heart
by khalsey23
Summary: Meredith and Derek were once lovers, a terrible understanding tore them apart, now years later they meet up again, both of them keeping secrets from each other.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer; I do not own Grey's Anatomy or its characters, Shonda does. **

**Warning: This fic concerns affairs, I do not condone affairs under any circumstances, if this subject offends you, than please do not read. I do not want to insult anyone. Read at your own discretion.**

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**Back To Your Heart- BSB**

It's not that I can't live without you It's just that I don't even want to try Every night I dream about you Ever since the day we said goodbye If I wasn't such a fool Right now I'd be holding you There's nothin' that I wouldn't do Baby if I only knew Chorus: The words to say The road to take To find a way back to your heart What can I do? To get to you And find a way back to your heart I don't know how it got so crazy But I'll do anything to set things right Cause your love is so amazing Baby you're the best thing in my life Let me prove my love is real And made you feel the way I feel I promise I would give the world If only you would tell me girl Chorus Give me one more chance, to give my love to you Cause no one on this earth loves you like I do Tell me Chorus I turn back time To make you mine And find a way back to your heart I beg and plead Fall to my knees To find a way back to your heart Chorus 


	2. Chapter 2

**A shortish first update. Enjoy!**

**Meredith is sat on a beach looking out at the waves, lost in her own little world, thinking back to the last time she saw him. A year ago today, when she said goodbye to him for the last time, she can feel her body start shaking as her tears overtake and she breaks down and sobs. She doesn't even notice the woman sit down next to her, pulling her close to her while she cries. After about an hour, Meredith manages to pull herself together, she looks up at the woman sat next to her, who looks so much like her brother, the man that she loves more than anything in this world. With her dark hair and deep blue eyes, it not hard to see him, she wishes that she could forget him once and for all, but that is never going to happen. **

"Are you okay? Meri", she asks.

"I can't do it anymore Kath" Meredith tells her

"Do what?" Kathleen asks, wandering if she was talking about her brother. She was trying to figure out a way to tell her that he was back, that he was moving back to town with his wife.

"This I can't face any of it, every time my husband kisses me or wants to make love to me, I have to pretend it him" Meredith says, the tear threatening to fall again

"Meredith, your marriage never even started, not properly, you have always been in love with that stupid idiot of a brother of mine, that Russell never stood a chance, you have been having an affair with my brother since your marriage began, and in the last year since it ended, you haven't been the same person" Kathleen tells her honestly.

Meredith is shocked, she never realised that Kathleen knew about her affair with Derek.

"How did…" Meredith started before Kathleen interrupted her

"Derek" she said simply. Meredith just nods; she was wandering why Kathleen had not said anything to her about it before.

"Well, I better go, mom was just wandering if you and Russell for coming over for the party tonight?" Kathleen asked.

"We will be, Russell insisted on it, that it would do us some good. It a good thing that Derek won't be there" Meredith said.

Kathleen just nodded her head, thinking how awkward it was going to be, when she finds out the real reason for the party, she wanted to tell her, but her mother insisted that nobody knew before they all arrive at the Shepherd estate.

"Okay, I'll see you tonight Meri" Kathleen said, giving her best friend a hug, before walking up the beach towards the Shepherd Estate. Meredith stayed on the beach a little while longer. What Meredith did not see, was the dark haired man standing over by the rocks, watching her, feeling her pain.

Derek was not looking forward to the party tonight, the party to announce that he and his wife would be moving back. Addison was upstairs getting ready for the party, even though it wasn't the type of party that he and Addison occasionally went to in New York, she still insisted on having a rest and taking hours to get ready before the party. Derek was finding it difficult being back here, being this close to her, but not being able to see her. Kathleen could see how hard it was for him to be back here, she insisted that they go for a walk, they walked along the beach, where the Shepherd Estate faced, not talking. She could see that her brother was lost in a world that no longer existed. Derek stops suddenly, staring over to the spot where Meredith sat on the beach. He could see that she was crying, he knew why she was so upset, it was a year ago today, that he told her, that he couldn't do it anymore, that it was time they ended their affair. The look of devastation over her beautiful face was plain to see, he had broken her heart, and that killed him more than anything. He had to protect her, and it was the only way. When she left, he died inside, it was seeing her that kept him alive, when she was gone, he lad nothing left to live for. He couldn't take his eyes off her, seeing her break in Kathleen's arms, broke his heart even more. He prayed that she wasn't going to be at the party tonight, he couldn't handle her being in the same room, knowing what he did hurt her so much. He also couldn't stand to see her with her husband. He saw her leave the beach, he wanted to run after her, but he couldn't. He watched has she disappeared beyond the dunes.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N I have written 5 fics for Grey's Anatomy and this was my second, it is also my favourite and my most successful. **

**Meredith sees Derek for the first time, this update gives a little bit of insight to their relationship. Enjoy!**

The first of the guests started arriving at 8 o clock, everyone was surprised to learn that Derek was returning to town, it had been 9 years since he left town and he hadn't been back once. He introduced everyone to Addison; luckily his sisters were there, he was even thankful for Nancy being around, since she was the only one of his sisters that really got on well with Addison. Every once in a while he looked around the room, hoping that Meredith had come, slightly relieved but mainly disappointed. It was about 9:30 when Meredith arrived with her husband. Meredith was dreading this party, she didn't know why, but she hadn't wanted to come, she would rather on this day, just sit at home with a bottle of tequila and get this day over with, but there was a pull to come here tonight, almost like it was her destiny.

The first person that Meredith saw was Kathleen, who she was relieved about, maybe she could get could out of her why there was a party tonight. Meredith was wearing a off the shoulder black dress, which moulded too every curve

"Hey Meredith, you look gorgeous hun" Kathleen said,

"Thank you, you look good too" Mer said, giving her a hug.

"Hi Russell" Kathleen says politely, trying to hide the distain in her voice.

"Hello" Russell says formally.

"Meredith, I need to talk to you" Kathleen said, leading Meredith away from her husband over to the other side of the room.

"What is it…?" Meredith said trailing off when she heard his voice, she froze. She whipped her head around to the direction she heard his voice. Across the room green met blue.

Derek could see Kathleen greeting someone, is wasn't sure who it was, he thought it was a friend of her's that he hadn't met, he started to make his way across the room, that was when he saw her, just then Addison came up to him to tell him that she was going outside with Nancy.

"Okay" Derek said simply, wanting to get closer to Meredith. He notices her whip his head around to his direction.

Meredith couldn't believe he was here, he took her breath away. She had a thousand thoughts running through her head.

"I'm sorry, Mer I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't" Kathleen says, seeing the look on her face. "Meredith…breathe"

"I'm breathing, I think. It not your fault Kath, I just surprised to see him that all" Meredith says. Meredith leaves Kathleen and walks over to her husband and gives him a light kiss, just has Derek walks over to them. He sees her giving her husband a kiss; he tries to ignore the knife that goes through his heart.

"Hello Meredith" Derek says, wanting to reach out and touch her.

"Hello Derek, this is my husband Russell" Meredith says introducing them; she ignores the hurt look in Derek's eyes. They shakes hands, she can see that they are sizing each other up.

Russell can see how Derek looks at his wife, and he doesn't like it. He is aware of their past, Meredith has told him what happened, but he also knows how much Meredith still loves him. He can see it written on her face, no matter what happened between them; he doesn't want to see her hurting anymore.

"Shall we go and get drink" Meredith says to her husband, trying to ignore the fact that Derek can't keep his eyes of her.

"Nice to see you again Derek, welcome home. You'll have to introduce me to your wife" Meredith says to him, emphasizing the word wife. She and Russell walk off to go and get their drinks, Meredith can feel his eyes on her, secretly she loves the fact that she still gets to him.

Kathleen watches Derek; she notices that he can't keep his eyes of her, she walks over to him,

"Derek, you need to stop watching her before anyone especially your wife notices" Kathleen says to him quietly so no one could hear her.

"I can't help it, I love her so much Kath, its killing me" Derek tells her honestly.

"I know you do Derek, and she loves you, but you both can't do this any more, it not fair to Addison and Russell, and it not fair to the two of you. You made your choice Derek don't make it any harder for her, than you already have" Kathleen says, walking away, leaving Derek with his thoughts.

Meredith makes her way outside to get some fresh air; she felt that Russell was crowding her, she told him to talk to Robert, Kathleen's husband. She finally felt that she could breathe; the house was feeling more claustrophobic by the second. She stopped at the edge of the Shepherd estate, away from everyone. She looked out over the beach lost in her own thoughts that she didn't even notice Derek walking up behind her

"It's hard, isn't it?" Derek said to her, watching her stiffen up,

"Yes" she simply said.

"I know I am so sorry Meredith" he tells her.

She turns and looks at him "don't Derek I mean it" Meredith says harshly,

"Don't what? He asks.

"Don't stand there telling me you're sorry, you are the one that ended it, not me. I loved you so damn much; I was going to leave Russell for you. Six years I wasted on you" she could see how much her words was hurting him, but she didn't care "you chose her Derek, you left me, you have no right telling me you're hurting. You made your choice, now live with it. Stay away from me, I don't want to see you, hear from you, you wanted me out of your life, now you've got it" Meredith spat at him, has she walked away.

Those words cut him to the core, he wanted to run after her, but he knew that he couldn't. He wanted to tell her that she didn't choose Addison over her, but he couldn't. Meredith couldn't believe she had just said that to him, it didn't feel like she wasted all those years, she just wanted to hurt him. She went to enter the house, when she heard Nancy calling her name; she turned around, seeing Nancy walking towards her with a tall redhead, who she guessed was Addison.

"Hi Meredith" Nancy said

"Nancy, how are you?" Meredith said politely.

"Meredith, this is Addison Shepherd" Nancy introduced her to the redhead, paying close attention to Meredith reaction, having seen the interaction between her and Derek a few moments before.

"Addison, I'm Meredith Johnston" Mer said holding her head out, just has Derek walked onto the patio. When he saw Meredith and Addison talking he got a little worried. He walked up to them, worried what was being said.

"Derek, I was just saying hello to Meredith, I assume you two know each other" Addison said to him,

"Oh they do" Nancy said quietly, both Meredith and Derek heard her luckily Addison did not.

"Well, it was nice meeting you Addison, I'm gonna go and find my husband" Meredith said, walking back into the house. She found Russell still talking to Robert, she told Russell that she was going home, that to stay and to enjoy himself; she wanted some time to herself.

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	4. Chapter 4

**A/N _Italtics _are flashbacks; they will appear throughout the story. Enjoy!**

Meredith woke up at 9 am the next day, it was a Sunday, but Russell had gone into the office, he had an important trial coming up, so he went back to New York early, she knew that she wasn't see him for a week now, but it gave her some time to think. She went down to the kitchen, to find Amy, the nanny, sat down with Adam; Adam looked up at his mother,

"Mommy",

Meredith walked over to him, gave him a kiss on the forehead.

"How's mommy little boy today",

"He been fine Meredith, he missed you last night" Amy said. Meredith walked over to the coffee machine, poured herself a cup of coffee, before sitting down at the table with them.

"Amy, Russell is going to be gone all week, and I'm not working so you can have the week off. I would love to spend some time with my son" Meredith said to her

"Are you sure, Meredith" Amy asked, making sure that it was okay.

"Yes, I am. You have till Friday off, make the most of it" Meredith said, giving her a smile.

"Thank you, I think I'll go back to New York and see my family" Amy said.

About 12 pm, the door bell went, Meredith wandered who it was, she was not expecting anyone today, and it was Kathleen.

"Kath, what are you doing here?" Mer said surprised to see her.

"You going to let me in, Meredith" Kath asked

"Of course" she said, letting Kathleen in. Kathleen goes into the living room,

"Hello Adam" she says,

"Kat" he says, going over to give her a hug.

"Adam, mommy going into the kitchen, you stay here and play" Meredith tells him,

"Yes mommy" Adam says going back to play with his Lego. Kathleen follows Meredith into the kitchen,

"Is everything okay, Kath" Mer asks, wandering if she should ask about Derek, but decided not too.

"Yeah, I was just making sure you were okay, Derek told me what happened" Kathleen says gently.

"Oh" Meredith said, hearing his name, makes her heart race.

"If you want to talk Meredith, I'm here. He might be my brother, but that doesn't mean I like what he did" Kathleen says.

"I just want to get on with life, try and move on; I can't live in the past. It's not going to be easy, having him here, but I'll adapt. I don't really have much choice" Meredith says, putting a mug of coffee in front of Kathleen. Kath just nods her head, knowing what Mer just said made sense.

"Are you still coming to the barbeque tonight Mer?" Kathleen asks.

"Me and Adam wouldn't miss it. Does Derek know that I have a son? Meredith asked, needing to know.

"I haven't mentioned Adam, and he hasn't said anything to me" Kathleen says, she wants to ask Meredith the question that she had been dying her to ask since Derek told her about the affair the previous year, Kathleen decided to take the plunge.

"Meredith, I need to ask you something. Is Derek Adam's father? She asked, watching Meredith closely. Meredith wasn't completely surprised that Kathleen had asked that, she had been waiting for it.

"No, he not Kathleen" Meredith says to her, silently hoping that she doesn't dig any deeper.

"Okay" Kath says, not believing her but she isn't about to push her.

"I'm going to have to go; I'll see you at 7"

"Okay" Meredith says walking her out,

"Bye, Kath" Meredith closes the door; she just prays that she believes her. She can't afford for that secret to get out. She walks into the living area, Adam is still playing. She watches him; he is in many ways so like his father. Her mind wanders back to the day, she met him.

_She was 18 years old, it was the first trip to the Hampton's, with her best friend Angela's family, and she had never been away before, she was happy to get away from her mom. Meredith had been looking forward to this summer. She was starting college in the autumn, studying pre-med. She intended on this summer being the summer of fun, before she went and studied. She decided to go down to the beach, and have a swim, she loved Angela and her family but she needed to get away, spend some time on her own. She was lying on the beach, listening to CD player, went she felt a ball hit her. She was pissed off; she sat up, and took off her Gucci sunglasses. It was then that she first saw him, he ran over to her. _

"_I am so sorry, my brother over there thought he was being clever" he said, flashing his dreamy smile. _

"_That's okay, just tell him to stop being such an idiot" she said to him. _

"_Come on Shep, stop flirting" Mark shouted. _

"_Take no notice of him, like you said, he an idiot" Derek told her._

_She smiled and laughs. _

"_I'm Derek",_

"_Meredith" she says. _

"_Meredith it was nice to meet you, hopefully see you around" with that he ran back over to his brother. _

"Mommy, mommy" Adam says bring Meredith back to reality.

"I'm sorry, baby. Let's have a lie down, you tired" Meredith asks.

"No nap, mommy" Adam says.

"Mommy wants nap, so you lie down with me" Meredith says to her son, has she picks him up and carries him upstairs.

She lies him down on the bed, while she pulls over the curtains, as she looks out of the window, she sees him on the beach. A part of her, wants to go out and join him, but her head is telling her not too. She closes the curtain, just has he looks up, he catch the sight of her briefly. She lay down next to Adam pulling him close to her. Adam is already asleep, she is grateful. She lets the tears fall, she misses him so damn much, she doesn't know how she is going to manage the summer here, knowing that he is here, and with his wife. She finally managed to fall asleep, the events of the past few days catching up with her.

Derek spent his morning, hiding at Kathleen's away from Addison; she was driving him nuts, going on about Meredith. It wasn't like she didn't know that Meredith lived in the Hampton's, hell she was the one who told him that. He told her to stay away from her that she got what she wanted, so leave her alone. He felt even more alone here, at least in New York, he had other people he could talk too, here in the Hampton's he only had Kathleen who he could talk to about Meredith. All he wanted was to hold her again, seeing her with her husband last night, made him jealous, not that he would ever admit that to her. He knew that she didn't mean any of what she said to him last night, that it was said in the heat of the moment but it hurt more than anything. He hated Addison for what she did to them, he hated himself more for letting her go in the place, all those years ago. He should have tried to find her; he should have fought for them. He had for the past 6 years wanted to know why she left him, but he couldn't bring himself to ask. He was scared of the answer she would give him.

While Kathleen went over to Meredith's, he decided to take a walk down the beach. The beach was one of the things that he missed about the Hampton's, he always liked coming down here to think, all he could think of was her. He sat down, looking out at the water; it wasn't far from this spot that he first met her. She looked so beautiful in her white bikini, and Gucci sunglasses, she took his breath away. He could feel her eyes on him, he turned his head looked at the house behind him, he saw her in an upstairs window, only briefly has she pulled the curtain across. He looked back over the water, feeling the tears running down his face. Derek did not see in the distance, Addison watching him.

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	5. Chapter 5

**I do love Addison, but she is a complete bitch in this fic, in this chapter things finally start being revealed. Enjoy!**

Later that evening, Meredith is applying the last touch of her make-up; grateful that she doesn't wear much, Adam is playing on the bed, with some toys. She grabs a wrap from her closet, knowing that it does get chilly at night. She picks Adam up and walks down the beach to Kathleen and Robert's home. It isn't as big has the Shepherd home, or even her home, but she loves it there. She lets herself into the house, she lets herself in just has Derek walks down the stairs. He takes her breath away, dressed in casual beige trousers and a white shirt, he looks so good, and she can see his muscles through his shirt, memories come flooding back has she tries to shake them off.

"Meredith" Derek says, shocked to see the child in her arms, for a second a look of hurt flashes in his eyes, Meredith looks away for a second knowing what he is thinking.

"Derek, this is my son Adam, Adam can you say hello to Derek" Adam hide his face in his mother shoulder.

"He's shy, Derek" Mer stated. Derek started walking toward her, she look so good. Meredith stepped back away from him.

"Derek" Addison calls as she walks down the stairs.

"What?" he says, not taking his eyes of Meredith.

"Oh, hello Meredith" she says has she reaches the bottom of the stairs.

Meredith wanders where Kathleen is, she is starting to feel a little uncomfortable, Derek finally tears his eyes away from Meredith, Addison walks over a give him a light peck on the cheek.

"Addison, you took nice" Meredith says to her,

"Thank you, this is your son" Addison says nodding to Adam. "He is very handsome, you and your husband must be proud".

"Yes we are" Mer replies ignoring Derek's look pleading with her not to say anything. Kathleen walks out and sees Meredith with Derek and Addison.

"There you are Meredith, I was wandering where you were" Kathleen says, coming over and giving Mer a hug.

"Finally" Mer whispers to her.

"Sorry" she whispers back and pulls away from her. "The kids are out in the yard, I'm sure Ellen would look after Adam for you" Kathleen says leading Mer through to the kitchen.

"Thanks Kath" Meredith says quietly, still feeling Derek eyes on her.

She took Adam outside so he could play. Kathleen's older kid's love Adam, Ellen takes his hand from Meredith's taking him over to where the younger kids are playing. Meredith goes back into the house, knowing that Adam will be well looked after. Izzie has arrived with her daughter Hannah, Meredith was shocked to see how much Hannah had grown, she hasn't really seen her much over the past year, and she has been too wrapped up in her own problems. Izzie is surprised to see Meredith at the barbeque.

"You came, that two night's out in a row, considering that we haven't seen you much in the past year" Iz says to her, Meredith feels Derek's breath on her neck, his interest peeked.

"Russell, wanted me to come, with him being away this week, he didn't want me spending all my time in the house on my own. He was right" Meredith tells her.

Kathleen watches Derek, has he tries to look anywhere except at Meredith, he realised how uncomfortable he made her earlier. Kathleen ushers everyone outside, while Meredith pops up to the bathroom. She closes the door and locks it, she rests against the door, and has the sobs over takes her body, she can't do this, he has only been back two days, and he is driving her crazy, she wants him so badly. He isn't even trying to make it easy for her; there is a bang at the door.

"Meredith, are you in there?" she hears him say. She stays quiet, hoping that he will just go.

"Meredith, please" Derek pleads with her.

"Leave me alone Derek" Mer says, trying to stay strong.

"I just want to talk to you, please Meredith" Derek says.

"I can't" she says, feeling her resolve breaking.

"Just give me 5 minutes, that all I'm asking for" Derek pleads with her.

"Why should I?" Meredith asks.

Derek doesn't reply, she knows he is still out there. She unlocks the door; Derek opens it and walks in locking the door behind him. He looks at her; sees that her eyes are red and puffy. He goes over to hug her, but she steps back.

"Please don't touch me Derek" Meredith says,

"Okay" Derek replies.

"You can't keep doing this Derek, it isn't fair, and why did you come back?" Meredith asked.

"I'm so sorry Mer; I didn't plan on moving back here at all. Addison wanted to, and when Addison wants something, she gets it. I know how hard this is for you Mer. You might not want to believe this, but I didn't do any of this to hurt you. I love you too much. I made a mistake when I married Addison, knowing fully well, that when it came down it, you were always the one for me. The last 6 years have meant something Meredith; it wasn't wasted not for me, when I'm with you I feel alive. I didn't end it because I don't love you; I ended it because I do. I know that it doesn't make much sense, but I don't want you thinking that I don't love you" Derek says, making a few steps closer to her, this time she doesn't back away. Derek takes her in his arms, Meredith lets herself melt into his arms, for just a moment letting herself feel everything..

"I didn't mean what I said last night, I didn't waste 6 years on you, and those six years was the best of my life. I love you, and that has not or will not change. It hurts so much, having you near but not being able to be with you" Mer says, stifling back her tears.

Meredith pulls away from him, and gives him a weak smile. He cups her chin, raising her head to look her in the eye. He kisses her lightly on the lips; they both know that this time is it. There is no going back for either of them, or so they think, not realising that fate will always find a way.

"Goodbye Meredith" Derek says gently, has his heart finally breaks,

"Goodbye Derek" she says.

Once Derek has left the bathroom, it all come flooding out, she feels Kathleen arms around her, trying to offer some comfort, but there was only one person, who could give her that and he had just walked out of her life for good this time.

Derek's eyes brimmed with tears when he left the bathroom, he bumped into Kathleen,

"Derek" Kathleen started,

"Meredith, bathroom" he said.

Kathleen was shocked at the look of him, he looked like he had just given up, and he had, he had just given up the last bit of hope he had. They had finally defeated him, they had broken him, making him say goodbye to the love of his life. He walked into the bedroom, as he allowed the sobs to overtake his body. He thought back to the night of the party, after meeting her on the beach that day.

_Mark was complaining about the lack of hot girls, at the party. 'Typical' Derek thought to himself, Mark was always complaining about women, he was a manwhore, but Derek wasn't in the mood for it tonight. He couldn't get his mind of the girl at the beach Meredith, the name seem to roll off his tongue. He didn't even know her, but he knew that he had too get to know her. And that giggle, man he loved that giggle. He heard it, at first he thought he had imagined it, until he heard it again. His head whipped in the direction he heard her giggle and there she was talking to his sister Kathleen. He found himself walking over to his sister. _

"_Derek" Kathleen said giving her brother a hug. _

"_Hi Kathy" Derek turns to Meredith "hello Meredith, nice to see you again" he said, not taking his eyes of her. _

"_Hi Derek, I was not expecting to see you again" Meredith said, checking him over. Just than Mark walks over, _

"_Hello ladies" Mark said, Derek just rolled his eyes and Meredith laughed. _

"_Markie" Kathleen said, knowing how much he hated being called that. Kathleen was watching her brother looking at Meredith, the look in his eyes, one that she never seen before. Derek whispered something in her ear, causing Meredith to giggle. They forgot everyone else in the room; Kathleen was paying close attention to them, she had never seen Derek get like that over a girl before. She __watched as Derek placed his hand in the small of her back. Meredith could feel the electricity that shoot up her back. It didn't take long for Meredith and Derek to disappear outside. They talked for hours, they had only just met but they didn't want to leave each other. Derek leant down and gave her a kiss on the lips; they could both feel the sparks. _

Nobody saw Addison stood in the hallway, she watched Derek goes into the bathroom, and come out with tears in his eyes. She knows that they are finally over for good this time. She was not willing to lose him to that little slut, she had gathered that Adam was Derek's son, she could see it in his eyes, he had his father's eyes, thankfully he looked like his mother, she knew that if Derek knew Adam was his son, she would lose him, and that was not going to happen. She had worked too hard to keep him and she would not lose him. She knew that he had never loved her the way he loved Meredith, but she was not willing to give him up. He was her's whether he accepted it or not.

She walked into the spare bedroom that Derek had walked into only moments before, she knew that he was upset, but she didn't give a shit. He had cheated on her for 6 years, and he would make it up to her. She didn't care that she had spent the last 5 years doing the same thing. Just than her mobile rang, she saw that it Luke, and ignored the call, she wasn't in the mood to be dealing with him.

"Who was that Addie" Derek asked.

"Private number" she replied simply.

"I'll meet you downstairs, pull yourself together" she added coldly has she walked out of the room.

By the time Derek came downstairs 30 minutes later, the barbeque was in full swing, and Derek was surprised at how many people were there. Luckily there for enough people there, that Meredith and Derek hardly saw each other all evening, which was a relief to both of them. Neither of them wanted to deal with each other and it was just easier to avoid. Adam fell asleep about 8 o clock, and Meredith put him into one of the spare room, until she went home. Derek walked into the room, and watched Adam sleeping, he did wander if he was his, but she wouldn't keep something like that from him. He was the spitting image of his mother, watching Adam made him think of when they discussed having kids.

_They were laid in bed on a Saturday afternoon, Derek had managed to get away from college for the weekend, and he hadn't seen her in just over her month. Meredith was huddled into Derek, with her eyes shut, he knew that she wasn't asleep coz she wasn't snoring. He had missed this, holding her in his arms. He was thinking about transferring to a college closer to Meredith, he hated being away from her. He only had two years of college left. He leant down to Meredith and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead; she opened her eyes and smiled at him. Derek was thinking about them and their future, he knew that he wanted to marry her, have kids with her. He didn't notice Meredith watching him, she was wondering what he was thinking, _

"_Derek, what are you thinking?" she asked. Derek lent over to her, kissing her on the mouth._

"_Don't freak out Mer, I know we have never discussed it, but do you want kids?" he asked, _

_Meredith is quiet, not sure what to say to him. "I always said I never wanted children, but that was before I met you. As long as I'm with you, the idea doesn't scare me so much, but I don't know if I would make a great mom, I haven't exactly got the best role model" she told him honestly. _

"_You are nothing like your mom, you would make a great mom" he told her, "you are warm, compassionate and loving, do not let your mother beat that out of you" he said to her, _

"_As long as you are by my side, she won't. I love you Derek" Mer says. _

"_I love you too" he says. _


	6. Chapter 6

**The truth comes out. Enjoy!**

Meredith gets to the bar about 8 pm, she pauses before she goes in catches her breathe. As she enters the bar; Justin Timberlake's Sexyback is playing. She goes straight over to the booth, where Angela, Cristina and Izzie are sat.

"Hey guys" she says, just then Kathleen walks over to them with Derek not far behind her. Meredith introduces Derek to Cristina, Meredith stares at the drink that Izzie had got her. She doesn't have to look at him, to know that he is watching her; she can feel his eyes on her. Cristina is watching them both; she figures that this is the Derek that Meredith had told her about. Meredith excuses herself from the booth, not making any eye contact with Derek, and walks up to the bar, she orders tequila shots and to keep them coming. She wants to forget about Russell and Derek, just for a few hours. Cristina comes over to her,

"Meredith, what are you doing?" she asks bluntly.

"Nothing" Meredith says, knocking back another tequila.

"Meredith I haven't seen you like this since Derek…"

"Do not mention him, I am fine" she said. Cristina knows she isn't but decides not to press her, she sees Derek heading their way, as she walks back to the table, she passes him,

"Good luck" she says has she passes, he sit next to Meredith, she looks at him,

"You have your good looking red shirt on" she says, openly flirting with him, oblivious to anyone else in the bar.

"Well, it's my favourite, I remember a certain someone buying it for me" he says,

"I don't think your wife, would be happy about that" she says, ordering another tequila.

"I don't care what my wife thinks," Derek says, ordering himself a scotch.

"Derek…" she says,

"What?" he replied

"I'm a little drunk"

"I can see that Mer"

"I…I…missyou" Mer says,

Derek places his hand above her's on the bar, "me too" he says gently. Neither of them notices that everyone is watching them, watching the sparks that radiate from the two lovers, lost in the storm.

Kathleen comes over to them, "Derek, Addison on her way over with Nancy" she tells him, he pulls his hand away from Meredith's with a look of sorrow in his eyes. He quickly plants a kiss on the stop of her head, before walking over to a empty booth, just has Addison and Nancy walks into the bar, Addison see Derek in the booth and goes and joins him while Nancy goes up to the bar. Addison watches Meredith has turns to get up from the bar and for effect, she walks up to Derek and kisses him; Derek pushes her away, his eyes meeting Meredith's the hurt in her eyes, pains him. He knows that Addison is doing it for effect, considering they do not even like each other half the time. Derek is grateful for Kathleen coming over to join them; giving him someone other than his wife to talk too, all he wants is to be sat next to Meredith.

"_Derek…stop" Meredith says through her laughter, Derek is tickling her_

"_Stop…what?" Derek says feigning innocence, _

"_Tickling me. You know I don't like it and we have a party to get ready for" she says. _

"_We could always blow off the party and stay here," he says, nipping at her neck. _

"_I would love nothing more than to stay here, but we promised Mark" Meredith says, Derek pouts, Meredith tries to wriggle out of his grip. _

"_Marry Me," he says, Meredith stops, not sure she heard right, _

"_What?" she says, shocked._

"_I said marry me, I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you" Derek says. Meredith turns to face him, with a huge smile on her face _

"_Yes" she says simply, _

"_Yes" Derek repeats, Meredith jumps into his arms, kissing him, his tongue begs entry which she grants instantly deepening it._

He glances over to the bar, sees Meredith flirting with some guy, who goes to kiss her, watching her, his blood boils, as the guy places his arm around her waist. Derek shifts uncomfortably in his seat; he can feel Kathleen kicking him underneath the table, luckily for him Addison is in the toilets.

"Derek" Kathleen says, but he doesn't hear her, all he can think of is that guy touching her; she is the only one who makes him insanely jealous. He sees Meredith laughing at something this guy said to her, he couldn't take it anymore. He walks over to Meredith, and grabs her arm, pulling her through the bar and outside.

"Derek…stop…you're hurting me" Meredith pleads with him, never seen him like this before

"What do you think you are doing?" Derek shouts at her,

"What are you talking about?" Mer says, at a loss to why he is yelling at her,

"What would your husband say about you flirting with that guy" Derek says, Meredith gets it now,

"Now you're concerned about my husband, or is it that you're just jealous" Meredith says a little louder.

"I don't get jealous" he says, Meredith laughs,

"You don't get jealous, than what the hell is this for then Derek. You grabbing me, dragging me outside in front of all my friends. What would your wife say?" Meredith spat at him,

"Don't you…" Derek says, Meredith sees red.

"Don't what Derek, bring up your perfect wife, the woman you cheated on me with, you left me for twice now. You have no right to get jealous over anything that I do, you don't want me, you never have" Meredith shouting at him getting more angry,

"What are you talking about I never wanted you, you are all that I have ever wanted Meredith, you left me remember, and you broke off our engagement, for no reason" Derek says yelling at her.

"For no reason, you cheated on me with Addison, how was I…" Meredith shouts, before trailing off seeing Derek looking at her blankly.

"Cheated on you…Meredith I never cheated on you…I wouldn't. I only got with Addison two years after you left" Derek says, not believing what he just heard.

"Don't lie to me Derek, I saw you kissing her, at the party" Meredith says still yelling at him. Derek pauses trying to remember what she is talking about, than remembering.

"OMG, she kissed me, Meredith, I never kissed her back, and I pushed her away. I loved you; there wasn't anyone else for me" Derek says gently.

Meredith looks at him, tears spilling down her face, seeing that he is telling the truth "oh god" she says quietly. Derek takes her into his arms, holding her while she sobs into his chest.

"I thought…than she…me…" Meredith rambled.

"Mer you're rambling. I know what you thought. Who is she?" Derek asked his curiosity peeked.

"What?" Mer asked, wandering what she said.

"You said than she" Derek told her. The expression on her face told him what he thought.

"Was the she Addison?" he asks.

Meredith looks away from him afraid to look at him, she wants to tell him the truth, but she doesn't know how to. She doesn't want to make things worse, but she also has never lied to him.

"Meredith look at me" Derek tells her.

Meredith continues to look down at her feet; Derek cups her chin and raises her head so he can look her in the eye.

"Meredith, was it Addison? What did she says to you? " Derek asks, sounding calm, but feeling madder by the second.

Meredith simply nods, "she told me that you had been having an affair with her for 6 months"

Derek pulls her close to him and kisses her on the top of her head, "why didn't you talk to me Mer, you know I would never cheat on you", he says.

"I want to go home" she says.

Derek decided to walk her home, since she doesn't live far, not saying anything on the way. Derek can't believe that she thought that he would cheat on her; he isn't surprised that Addison pulled a trick like that; she always was a manipulative bitch. He wished that Meredith had spoken to him about it instead of jumping to conclusions. He has wasted the last 9 years with Addison, if only he had pushed it, tried to find her, he would have known the truth and he could have been happy with her, he could have woke up everyday in her arms instead of waking up next to Addison. Adam could have been his, he had always wanted kids, but only with her, every time Addison brought up the subject of kids, he always said he didn't want any.

Being wrapped in Derek arms, feels so good, she can't believe that she was so stupid; she should have talked to him, instead of running away. Deep down she knew that he would never have cheated on her. That he loved her, she should have stayed and never doubt his love for her, she could have spent the past 12 years happy with him. Even after it all, she couldn't stop loving him; she had to be with him one way or another. She was glad that Adam was their son; she never wanted children with anyone else. They approach Meredith's house, she struggles for a moment with the keys and opens it, she turns back to face Derek.

"Thanks for walking me home, Derek" Meredith says, giving him a weak smile.

"That's okay. I am so sorry Meredith" he replies, neither of them wanting to leave each other, especially after what they learnt tonight.

"It not your fault Derek, I should have talked to you. I just…"Meredith said as she leans into him, placing her hand on his chest, looking into his eyes, she felt herself getting lost in them,

"Maybe I should…" Derek says,

"Yeah" she replies, either of them making any effort to move.

Meredith brings herself up on tip toes, has Derek leans down and put his lips on her and kisses her; she parts her lips to allow his tongue entry in to her mouth, her hands running through his hair, playing with his curls at the nape of his neck. Derek pulls her close to him, deepening the kiss, they forget about everything and everyone, finally feeling at home.

**Porn coming next**


	7. Chapter 7

**Rated Mature, and please don't hate me.**

**Derek pulls away breathlessly,**

"Mer, if I don't go now, I won't leave tonight" Derek says,

"Than don't go" she says,

"Are you sure",

"Derek shut up and kiss me" she says,

Derek doesn't need telling twice. Their lips meet again, with all the fire and passion they have felt for each other from the beginning. They stumble their way into the house, Meredith kicking the front door close with her foot. Meredith leads the way upstairs, tearing each other clothes off, by the time they make it up to her bedroom, they are both naked. Derek laid her on the bed, he scans every inch of her body, recommitting it to memory, and he lies on top of her, running his hands through her hair.

"I love you Meredith" he says, as he kisses her.

He kisses her neck, working his way down to her breasts, he sucks on her nipples, Meredith moaning silently calling his name, he know how to turn her on. He works his way down over her abdomen, down to her wet, moist folds, licking her, flicking her clit with his tongue,

"Oh…Derek…oh…fuck…" Mer moans

He know exactly what Meredith likes, he know how to send her over the edge. He keeps flicking his tongue over her clit, and the louder her moans get, the more vigorously his tongue works.

"I'm cumming…oh…" Mer calls out

"Cum for me…baby", he says, has she spills hot cum into his mouth. He licks her clean, remembering how good she tastes, he place small kisses on to her clit, working his way back up to her lips.

"You taste so good, Mer. I've missed you" he says.

"I've missed you too"

Meredith works her way down his chest, over his abdomen, giving him kisses and little nips, has she works her down. She takes him into her mouth, running the tip of her tongue of the head, than taking him in deeper, until his cock fills her mouth. She swirls her tongue around his cock,

"Oh…Mer"

Derek pumps his cock into her mouth, while Mer runs her tongue over it,

"Fuck…Mer…I'm cumming" he calls out has he shot his cum into her mouth which she swallows. Meredith rolls off him, has Derek moves down to her and kisses her.

"Make love to me Derek", Meredith said, reaching over to her stand, to pull a condom out of the drawer. She helps him to put it on, he enters her slowly, until he is completely immersed in her, for the first time in a year they feel complete, Derek starts pumping into her, slowly at first, than getting faster. He can feel her walls collapsing around him, bringing them to their peaks,

"Mer open your eyes" he says, has they orgasm together, looking into each other eyes.

Derek collapses on top of her, Derek rolls off her removing the condom, wrapping his arms around Meredith, who rest her head on his chest. They lay there in each other arms, just enjoying being together once again, they lay there, not saying anything, and Derek could smell the lavender from her conditioner, the smell that he missed. He still can't believe the events of that night, he knew that he couldn't stay with Addison especially after learning what she did. He wished that they had this talk before, that she spoke to him before. He notices that Meredith is very quiet.

"What you thinking Mer?" he asked; Meredith is silent for a moment.

"I love you" she says, reassuringly

"I love you too, Meredith. What are you thinking?" he says sounding slightly worried.

"How this is the perfect way to say goodbye" she replies.

"What do you mean, the perfect way to say goodbye?" he asks, shocked, that he was not expecting to hear from her. Derek loosen his grip, which gives her the chance to wriggle free and sit up, on the edge of the bed.

"Meredith, what is going on?" he says, scooting over to her side of the bed, pulling her close to him, but feeling her pulling away from him, not physically but emotionally. She takes a deep breath, before starting.

"I'm leaving, Derek" she says simply. Derek feels a knife go into his heart, he stand up, starts pacing the room.

"Leaving?" he says standing in front of her. Meredith stands up,

"I can't stay here, not with you and her here" Meredith says.

"I'm leaving her Mer, after everything I should have never married her in the first place" he says, Mer takes a minute to digest what Derek is saying to her, she has always wanted that, but it's too late.

"It's too late Derek, I made my choice" she says sadly.

"Meredith, it never too late, not for us, I love you" Derek pleads with her,

"Yes it is Derek" she says. Derek kneels in front of her with tears running down his face.

"Please Mer, don't do this" he says pleading with her "I need you, even if it only seeing you in the distance",

"I can't break up your marriage up Derek, I've already done enough damage" she says imploring him to understand.

"She did that the day she lied to you Mer, she knew I never loved her, you are the love of my life, and I want to be with you" he says, still crying.

"I'm sorry Derek, I love you, but…" she pauses.

"But what" he says,

She closes her eyes, mentally preparing herself for what she is going to say, she can't believe she is about to say this. This will break his heart, as well as her own but she knows otherwise he will not let her go.

"But I love my husband more" she says her own heart breaking as she says the words, but she needs him to believe her.

"No, you don't mean that Meredith, you can't" he says, holding onto the last piece of hope that he has left.

"I love Russell" she says looking him in the eye. Derek looks for any sign that she is lying but he can't, for once he can't read anything in her eyes. Derek gets up, hastily putting his clothes on, looking back at Meredith one last time hoping she tells him not to go. She watches him walk out of the bedroom, hearing the front door slam; she finally collapses in sobs of tears.


	8. Chapter 8

**This is a very short update.**

Two days later, she puts Adam into his car seat, take one last look back at the house, Russell had already sent divorce papers to her, she was surprised at how quick he was moving ahead, in a way she was glad. She drove away from the house, glad to leave it, she had always hated the house, it was her mother's before she died, she decided to sell it, knowing that she would never be back in the Hampton's again. She stopped by Kathleen's house; she promised her that she and Adam would stop by before she drove to New York. Kathleen came out has she drove up her driveway, she saw his car there, she prayed that he didn't come out, she hadn't seen him since he walked out of her bedroom, and she had no desire to see him, know if she did her resolve would break, and she would never leave. Kathleen came out has she got out of the car, she came over and give Meredith a hug,

"Are you sure you've made the right decision Meredith" she asked.

"I hope so, I'll give you my new address when it get to where I'm going, just don't..." Mer said before Kath interrupted

"Don't tell Derek, I got it Mer, I'm going to miss you" Kath says giving her a weak smile. Meredith hands Kath a letter,

"Can you give this to Derek, but not until tomorrow" she asks of Kathleen,

Kathleen nods her head, Meredith gives her one last hug, and Meredith pulls away, smiles and climbs back into the car. She doesn't see Derek watching her from the windows, but she can feel his eyes on her. Just has she drives away, she looks back and whispers

"Goodbye Derek".


	9. Chapter 9

**This now moves on forward to a year later, a lot has changed for Derek in that time. Enjoy!**

**One year later**

Derek is getting ready to board the flight to Seattle; he is stood in JFK departure lounge. His flight gets called; he is finally leaving his old life behind him to start afresh. He and Addison divorce came through only days before, he is finally free. It has taken nearly 11 months for the divorce to come through. After he learnt the truth about what Addison said to Meredith and Meredith left, he knew he couldn't stay in his marriage; he hated her for what she did to him and Meredith.

_Derek heard a car pull up Kathleen's driveway, it knew that it wasn't Addison, it wasn't her car. He looked out the window and saw her saying bye to Kathleen. He wanted to run down and beg her not to leave, not to go to him, but it was too late, he watched her with tears running down his face. I knew that he should have stood up to Addison, the year before and told her that he was leaving her, that no matter what threats she made, he was going to Meredith. He had been staying at Kathleen's since the night he spent with Meredith. He hadn't yet been home, he didn't want to see Addison just yet, and he knew that if he saw her that he couldn't be held responsible for his actions. Seeing Meredith drive away, he felt has if his heart had been ripped out of his chest. His phone rang again, it was the same person who had been ringing non-stop for two days, he had so many voicemails from her, but he didn't want to hear them, he wanted to have a clear head, when he pulled her up on all of her lies. But he knew it was time to answer her, he had avoided her for the past two days._

"_Yes, Addison" he answered the phone coldly_

"_Where the hell have you been? I was worried" Addison said_

"_Don't pull that crap Addison, I'll be home later," he said hanging up the phone._

_Several hours later, he arrived back at his mother's, he noticed that no one was around, not even Addison; it made what he was going to do so much easier. He went up to the bedroom they shared, pulled open the closest door; were she had hung up her clothes. He grabbed suitcases from the back of the closest, grabbing her clothes, stuffing them into her suitcases. He heard her car pull up the driveway; he grabs her cases, Derek gets down to the front door before she even reaches the porch. Addison takes one look at him, and she knows, that he knows. She has never seen him look so angry, she freezes, has Derek chucks her suitcases at her._

"_What the fuck, Derek" she says_

"_What the fuck, what the fuck, you scheming bitch, I know everything" he said, not even trying to remain calm._

"_What lies has she told you now" she says, trying to cover her back._

"_Lies, don't you dare accuses her of lying to me, she actually wouldn't lie to me. You knew why she left all those years ago. You let me believe that she didn't love me, that everything her and me ever were was a lie. She told me, about our so-called affair, and that kiss at the graduation party, you planned it all didn't you. You knew that I was only with you, coz I didn't want to be on my own. I made it clear that I was still in love with Meredith, when I married you. I hope it was all fucking worth it, Addison"_

"_Are you sure that she wouldn't lie to you, Derek?"_

"_Just get your stuff and go, if I see you again, I will do something that I would probably regret"_

"_You know what Derek, I never loved you either, I wanted you, and I was not going to let some little whore"_

"_Don't you dare, call her a whore. She is 10 times that woman you will ever be" Derek yelled at her_

"_I got what I wanted so yeah it was fucking worth it Derek and if you think your so called love of your life, has never lied to you ask her about Adam and why she has kept your son from you for three years, Derek. Wasn't she fucking you for two of those years" she screamed at him, still determined that she wouldn't win._

_Derek was ready to slap her, in all his life, he has never had the urge to hit a woman, but right than in that instant it wanted too so badly._

"_If Adam was my son, she would have a good reason to keep something like that from me. Get out off my sight Addison" Derek said, slamming the door._

_Addison stood there in shock, she couldn't believe that she had told him the truth after all these years. She thought after discovering their affair and she hadn't told him that it meant that she never would._

He had a call from his old mentor Richard Webber, who was the chief of surgery at Seattle Grace Hospital, asking him to become the head of neurosurgery, the offer came at the right time, he wanted to get away from New York and the Hampton's, both places reminded him of Addison and he wanted to get away. He constantly thought about Meredith but he had no idea where she was, he just hopes that she was happy. Once the flight was in the air, he pulls out the letter that she had given Kathleen, he has read it every day for the past year.

Derek,

The night we last spent together, meant so much. I didn't mean it when I said that I loved Russell more than you. In fact, that day Russell came to tell me that he wanted a divorce; because he knew I was in love with you. I had already made my mind up to leave, I knew that you would try and talk me out of it unless I made you believe that I didn't love you anymore. I broke my heart to say those words to you. I hope you are happy Derek, a part of you must love Addison, and even though she lied, you still married her without knowing the truth. All I want is for you to be happy. Just remember I love you.

Yours forever

Mer

He hopes that one day, he will find her again, he is holding on that little bit of hope. He knows that she is his future that they are meant to be. Once he landed in Seattle, it was raining it suited his mood. He was looking forward to starting at Seattle Grace, it would be a change, since he sold his practise the previous year when he left New York, and he had been looking for to going back to work. Giving him something to stop him from thinking about her every moment, he knew that Kathleen had her address, but she wouldn't give it to him or tell him what city she was living in. It hurt that she wanted to sever all contact with him, but he didn't blame her.

For the past year Meredith had been living in Los Angeles, she managed to finish her final year of residency at Cedars-Sinai hospital, she knew that she was lucky to be able to re-start it where she left off, considering that she still had a year to complete. Her divorce from Russell came through six months before, he was getting married again in a few months, she was happy for him, after she left the Hampton's, she realised how miserable she was with him. She told him that Adam wasn't his, he said he already knew, it had know since the day that Adam was born, he was just in denial about it. She had offers from Cedar-Sinai, Seattle Grace, New York, she loved the hospital but she start to wonder if it was time to return to Seattle, after all these years. She knew that Seattle Grace had one of the best neurosurgery departments in the U.S, as well world class surgeons; she knew that she would be working for the best, which helped to sway her decision. She felt like her life was coming together, she still thought about Derek daily, and Adam looked more like him every day, but she knew that she would never see him again, and though she missed him, she could finally see her life without him.

She had two weeks left in Los Angeles, Kathleen was coming in for a week, and she hadn't seen her since she left the Hampton's. It was her last day at the hospital; she was going in for a surgery, when she saw Addison at the nurse station. She was shocked, it was the last place that she thought that she would see them again; she thought that if Addison is here, than so is Derek. She knew that she couldn't hide from them, so instead of running and hiding she decided to just get it over and done with. Meredith walked over to the nurse's station and asked for a chart, she turned to Addison.

"Hello Addison" Meredith said politely, while waiting for the nurse to pick out the chart that she needed. Addison was surprised to her there; she knew Derek was in Seattle, she assumed that Derek had gone to Meredith.

"Meredith, how are you?" Addison said, giving her a fake smile,

"I'm good thank you, and how your husband?" Mer asked, not really wanting to know the answer. She wanted to tell Addison, that she knew the truth, about her lies, but decided it wasn't worth it, Derek still stayed with her. Addison was surprised that she didn't know that Derek had left her, she was pleased that Meredith didn't know. She still didn't want her winning by getting Derek back; she decided not to tell her about the divorce.

"Derek is good"

"Here you go Doctor Grey" the nurse said handing her a chart.

"Thank you, Bea" Meredith said, before turning back to Addison.

"Addison" Meredith said has she walked away.

Addison stood watching her walk away, seeing the look in her eyes, when she mentioned Derek, almost made her feel guilty but not quite. She wanted Derek and she got him, she knew how deal with people like Meredith, she also knew that Meredith knew that she lied, that Derek had told her the truth, she could also see the look of disgust in her eyes, not that she cared. Addison knew that Meredith was leaving, so she didn't have deal with her, and that as far that Meredith knew, her and Derek was still married, and that would be the way it would stay. The end of her shift finally came, she did not have any other run ins with Addison nor did she see Derek which she was grateful for.

**Please Read and Review.**


	10. Chapter 10

**We have the arrival of a new character in this fic, once that you already know so well. It is coming closer to Meredith and Derek seeing each other again. And a bit more background on our favourite couple Enjoy!**

Derek arrived at Seattle Grace for his first day, he had to see Richard. He was impressed at what he saw. He knew that the hospital had a very good reputation, and a good neurological department, and he knew that he could make it one of the best in the country. Richard was his mentor from college, and he was also Meredith's step-father. He was sat in the waiting area, waiting to see Richard, when he heard his name being called.

"Shep" he heard, he knew who it was, there was only one person that called him Shep, and Derek stood up,

"Mark" he said, Mark came over and gave him a manly hug.

"I heard a new head of neuro was starting, never thought it would be you though. Addison actually agreed for you to put your career first, for once" Mark said.

"We are divorced, Mark" Derek told him,

"You finally left Satan, what made you leave her?" Mark asked,

"She lied" Derek tells his one time best friend. Richard came out of his office and smiles at Derek,

"Derek I will be just a few minutes" Richard say before heading back into his office.

"Why don't we go for a drink after you finish your shift, to catch up Derek" Mark says to him,

"Yeah it will be good to catch up" Derek says,

"There a bar across the road, Joe's. I'll meet you there at 8" Mark tells him.

"I finish at 8, so I'll see you then" Derek says.

Derek's first day goes pretty quickly, it is mainly paperwork, he got to meet most of his department, being told that a new neuro attending will be starting in a couple of weeks, but no one knew who it was, even Richard wasn't saying. He had no surgery's himself, so it gave him a chance to watch his attendings and residents in action in the OR, so he could assess the strength of his team. He could see that he had some of the best, that his predecessor had left him a good team of surgeons. It was a nice and welcome change to private practice, and Seattle was a nice place, even though it had done nothing but rain since he arrived in the city. He had wondered what happened to Mark, after he married Addison, he had lost contact with Mark, he knew that he was still in contact with Meredith after she left him, she had told him that when they first met up again 7 years ago.

_Derek was at a medical conference at Boston General Hospital, it was his second day at the conference, which was suppose to last a week. He felt a bit guilty because he was missing his and Addison's wedding anniversary; they had been married for two years. It was an important conference, and he was actually enjoying his time away from her. It was nice to go back to the hotel after the conference and relax, rather than going home and getting ready to go out to the parties that she insisted on them attending. He decided to sit in the gallery watching a surgery, which was being performed by an old teacher of his Dr Owens. He was sat watching him, when the whiff of lavender came to his attention it reminds him of Meredith, than he heard someone giggle, it sounded like Meredith, he closed his eyes, thinking that he was hearing things. Then, he heard it again, he opened his eyes and whipped his head to the direction it came from, his blue eyes met her green. She still had the same effect on him, even though he had not seen or heard from her in four years. He saw her leave the gallery; he followed her out trying to be as discreet as possible. He wasn't about to let her disappear again, he missed her and still loved her; he wanted her to know that. He saw her disappear into an on-call; he hoped that she hadn't locked the door, which she hadn't. When he entered he saw her sat on the edge of one of the bed, he went and sat down next to her, he sat there until she was ready to look at him. After a few minutes, Meredith lifted her head out of her hands and looked at him, for the first time in four years, she felt alive, he took her breath away like he always had, and left her in no doubt that she was still in love with him. She looked down at his hand and noticed the wedding band on his finger. She knew that he had married her, Mark had told her, but to actually see that ring on his finger hurt her so much. It was suppose to be her ring on his finger,_

"_You're married" she said, it was suppose to them who was married, tears ran down her face, has __Derek put his arm around her, pulling her close to him, while she sobbed into his chest. _

"_Yeah" he put simply._

"_Mark said you married her" she told him. He felt the tears running down his face; it felt so good to finally have her back in his arms. _

"_I've missed you" Derek says, he feels her stiffen in his arms, than relax _

"_Me too" she says, she sits up and looks at him. Just than her pager goes off, it a 911,_

"_I've gotta go," she says before leaving the on-call room. Derek saw her around the hospital a lot that week, but he never got to talk to her, he knew that she was avoiding him, he tried to get her to talk to him, but she wouldn't. On his last day in Boston, he saw kissing some guy in the lobby; he guessed that it was her boyfriend. Across the lobby, their eyes met only briefly, but enough to haunt Derek for the next year. The look of sadness in her eyes bowled him over, he mouthed "I love you", and she smiled and disappeared out of the hospital._

Derek didn't feel really up to going over to Joe's, he just wanted to go home to his trailer, but he promised Mark that he would meet him for a drink. He got over to Joe's and ordered himself a scotch, before joining Mark over in the booth where he was sat.

"Hey Shep, didn't think you were going to come tonight?" Mark said,

"Running late, paperwork, I'm not staying for long Mark, I'm not in the mood" Derek says to him.

"I know it hard for you today Shep, which is why I invited you out for a drink" Mark says knowingly.

"You remember" Derek stated simply.

"Yeah", he motions to Joe who brings over a couple more glasses of scotch.

"Have you heard from her recently Mark, I know you kept in touch with her" Derek asked him

"No I haven't Derek, I haven't spoken to her since she married Russell" Mark tells him, looking closely for a reaction, he was surprised to see none. Mark assumed that he didn't know Meredith was married. Mark had no idea about Derek's affair with Mer.

"So, Addison?" Mark asked, wondering what brought his best friend to finally divorce her.

"What did Meredith tell you about Addison, Mark?" Derek asked, wandering how much his friend actually knew.

"That she saw you and her kissing at my party, I trying telling her to talk to you, that you wouldn't cheat on her, but she was so upset. When I spoke to her the next day, she was coming to see you, I think she realised there was more to the story. She left to see you, and I never saw her after that until just after you and Addison married" Mark tells him,

"Addison told Meredith that I had been cheating on her for six months" Derek tells him, seeing a look of fury in Mark's eyes.

"She what" Mark exclaimed.

"Yep, that why Meredith left" Derek tells him.

"How did you find out?" Mark asked.

"Meredith told me, I saw her a year ago. Can you believe it took her all these years to tell me" Derek said sadly.

"Well considering you hadn't seen her in years" Mark said, wandering what he was talking about. Derek shook his head.

"I'd been having an affair with her, Mark. I know, it was wrong, but I couldn't help myself, I love her so damn much Mark" Derek tells him

Derek knocks back his drink, while Mark goes and orders some more drinks for them, he tells Joe to leave them the bottle knowing that Derek probably could do with it.

In L.A, Meredith just got home, she went for a few drinks with some work colleagues, not really wanting too, she just wanted to curl up with a bottle of tequila, and forget this day. Kathleen had come out to look after Adam, knowing how hard this day was for her, he was at the hotel with Kathleen. She got through half a bottle of tequila, before she dialled his number, she knew that she shouldn't ring him, that his wife wouldn't be happy but she just wanted to hear his voice, she was glad went it when onto voicemail, "_this is Derek Shepherd, I'm probably in surgery, so leave a message and I'll get back to you soon"_ she hangs up, and she stumbled over to the drawers and got out his old NYU sweat shirt that she still had, his smell had gone a long time ago, but it was still Derek's. she laid back down with Jose, and picked up her phone again, and hit the redial number, just hearing his voice made her feel a little better, if only for a moment.

**Please R&R**


	11. Chapter 11

**We are on step closer to Meredith and Derek seeing each other again, for the first time in a year. Enjoy!**

**The next morning, Derek woke up in a strange apartment, trying to rack his brain to where he could be, he remembered meeting Mark and talking about Meredith, but that was it. He heard the door open, **

"Hey, Shep" Mark said rather cheerfully,

Derek groaned, "how can you be so cheerful, Sloan" Derek said to him.

"hey I'm not that one who almost drank a whole bottle of scotch to myself, get up, otherwise you are going to be late, Shep" Mark said putting a mug of coffee on the table next to the bed, "I'll be leaving in 30 minutes if you want a ride" Mark said has he walked out of the bedroom.

They arrived at the hospital 45 minutes later, Derek headed to his office to put on his scrubs since he had on the same clothes he wore the day before. He turned on his phone, and it beeped telling him that he had a couple of missed call and a voicemail. He couldn't think who it would be, so he decided to check it later, has he had rounds to do.

It was lunchtime before Derek had some free time, he didn't have a surgery scheduled for a few hours, so he decided to go back to his office, and get some more sleep, and he was feeling very rough, he knew that he shouldn't have drank that much, but it was too painful for him the day before. He just wanted to hold her in his arms, to say sorry, that he should have never let her go. He locked his office door, and closed the blinds, not wanting to be disturbed. He wanted to be left alone, with just his memories, trying not remember that yesterday was the day he had ended their affair, and broke her heart and shattered his heart into a million pieces. He was just drifting off to sleep, when his phone rang, he saw that it Kathleen, it thought about ignoring it, but knew that if he did, she would just keep ringing him,

"Hey Kath" Derek says

"Don't hey me, Derek, I've not heard from months, mom was getting worried" Kathleen scolds her brother.

"I'm sorry Kath, I just been busy" Derek says.

"I know yesterday was a hard day for you Derek, I just wanted to make sure that you were okay" Kathleen says.

"I'm fine, Kath"

"Now you do sound like Meredith"

"Meredith, have you seen her?

Kathleen doesn't say anything for a few moments, she doesn't want to lie to her brother but she doesn't know how Meredith would react if she told him where she was. In the end it is taken out of her hands, when Meredith comes out of the bedroom.

"Morning Kath" Meredith says to her when she see her sat at the table.

"Kath is that Meredith, are you with her now" Derek asks, sitting up on his couch, upon hearing her voice.

"Look I've gotta go, I'll call you back later" Kath says hanging up.

"Kath…Damn it" he curses, he tries to call Kath back but she has switched her phone off.

He remembered the voicemail he had on his phone. He dialled his voicemail; he was shocked to hear her voice.

"_Derek, it's me. I know you probably don't want to hear from me, and I know Addison won't be happy, but I miss you, I missed hearing your voice. I'm a little drunk; I had a date with Jose tonight. Anyway, I love you, bye"_

He remembered the missed calls that he had, he knew that one of those numbers was her's, he looked through his missed calls list and hit the dial button, it rang but with no answer. He knew that she wouldn't answer her phone, but he had to try. He needed to find out where Kathleen was, than he would find Meredith. Little knowing that soon enough fate would find a way of bringing them together.


	12. Chapter 12

**Finally, what you have been waiting for. Enjoy!**

**A couple of weeks had passed; Derek still wasn't able to get out of Kathleen where Meredith was, since that voicemail over two weeks ago, she was on his mind constantly. He had started to look for her, with no avail so far. He was thinking about hiring a private investigator, but for today he had something else to worry about, the new neuro attending for starting today, and Richard told him that he wanted him to teach her, that she was a fine surgeon, with the ability to become one of the best in the field, that she could learn so much from him. Derek didn't know what to expect from this new attending, all he knew about her, was that she had just finished her residency. His pager went off; it was the chief, he made his way up to Richard's office; his assistant told him that Dr Webber was waiting for him. He knocked on Richard's door and enters the room, Richard stands up when he see him, Derek look at the other person in the room, in shock, surely it not that easy.**

Meredith day did not start well, first she was running late for her first day in her new job, she forgot to set her alarm and Adam decided that he was going to play up this morning and have a tantrum, which was so not what she needed. She was glad to have Kathleen with her for a few days, until she had time to sort out a school and a part time nanny for him, she really didn't want a nanny but she knew that she needed some help. She was entirely grateful to Kathleen, that she was willing to help her out so much. She finally arrived only five minute late for her meeting with the chief of surgery. She arrived at his office out of breathe, has she rushed through the hospital, she told his assistant who she was, that she had an appointment with him.

"Meredith" she heard him say.

"Dr Webber" she said turning around to greet him.

"Meredith, its Richard" he said, pulling her in for a hug. "How are you, did the move go well?" he asked pulling away, and guiding her into his office.

"Fine, thank you" Meredith said, sitting down in a chair.

"Meredith, I've got all your paperwork here. Dr Shepherd, our head of neurosurgery will be here to meet you shortly. He is one of the best neurosurgeons in the country, I want you to shadow him for your first few days, and you can learn a lot from him"

There is a knock at the door, Richard stands up has Derek enters the room, he is aware of Meredith and Derek's past, he just hope that it doesn't cause any problems. There was a reason why he never told either of them who the one was. For fear that they would refuse to work with each other.

Meredith was shocked when he walking into the room, couldn't believe it that he was here in Seattle. She thought that he would be in L.A with Addison, she couldn't keep her eyes off him and he couldn't off her, they both felt themselves get lost in each other gaze. Meredith felt her breathe being sucked out of her, making her feel lightheaded.

"Meredith" Derek says quietly, not quite believe the beautiful sight in front of him, not sure if he is dreaming, he moves closer to her, reaching out to touch her to make sure she is real.

"Derek" she says just has pulls her into his arms.

Meredith feels a surge of emotion run through her body, his very touch, sending electric shocks through her body, she rests her head on his chest, wraps her arms around his waist completely forgetting where they are for just a moment before Meredith pulls away. Remembering where she was, she returned to her professional manner, and she sits back in the chair, Derek pulls out the other chair and sits down next to her, trying to pay attention to the chief.

"I hope this, isn't going to be a problem for the two of you to be working together, I want Meredith to learn from the best and that is you Derek" Richard says addressing both of them.

"No problem, Richard" Derek says.

"Good, then we are done here. Meredith welcome to Seattle Grace, Dr Shepherd will show you around. You don't have any surgeries scheduled, do you, Derek" Richard asked.

"Not until this afternoon, Richard"

" I want Meredith to shadow you for a few days, until she gets settled" Richard says before standing up, both Meredith and Derek stands up, before walking out of the office.

Derek heads towards his office, Meredith follows him, both of them saying nothing, not sure what to say to each other. Meredith noticed that he wasn't wearing his wedding ring, she did find that a bit strange, and considering he always wore it, even when they were together. She follows him into his office, he closes the door behind them, pulls her into his arms, just so he can hold her, he want to kiss her, to feel his lips on hers, but he can see that she doesn't want that. She pulls away and walks over to his desk, he motions Meredith to sit down while he walks around to the other side of the desk and sits down. She looks around his office, noticing that there are no pictures of Addison, there is one of him, her and Mark from years ago, and family photos but that was it.

"I have a _medical medical_ at 2pm, if you want to scrub in with me" Derek says.

"I would love too, Dr Shepherd" she replies professionally.

"Look Meredith, I want you to know that I'm sorry for everything. That last night, shouldn't have happened, that was my fault…" Derek trailed off

"Derek, it happened, we both wanted it, but that is in the past now" she says.

"Meredith, I've missed you, why did you leave?" Derek asked, as Meredith stands up and starts pacing the room. Derek watches her, knowing that he probably doesn't want to hear what she is about to say.

"Derek, in this hospital, we are just colleagues and that is all. You are my boss, and that is the only relationship, you and I are going to have. I accepted the job here because this is the best neurosurgery department in the country with an impressive team of doctors that I can learn from. Whatever our relationship was in the past stays in the past. I can't…" Meredith says, has there is knock at the door.

"Come in" Derek says.

"You paged me, Dr Shepherd" the woman said.

"Dr Dahl, this is Dr Meredith Grey, our new neuro attending. Can you please show her where the attending locker room is, than page me, when you get to surgical floor" Derek asks.

"No problem, Dr Shepherd" Dr Dahl responds

Meredith follows Dr Dahl out of the room, to the locker room, where Meredith sits down and catches her breath; she can't believe that he is here. When she saw him all she wanted to do was to kiss him, and tell him that she missed him, she had no memory of the phone call she made to him only two weeks before. She wanted to know how come he was here and Addison was in L.A, all of her old feelings were there still, but she also wanted to focus on her career and bringing Adam up. She hoped that they could be friends at least. She changed into her scrubs and pulled her hair back into a messy ponytail, and splashed some water onto her face before meeting Dr Dahl outside.

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	13. Chapter 13

**Enjoy!**

**Derek was checking on patients, with his resident Dr Wilson, and his interns, but all Derek could think about was Meredith. He didn't even hear Mark calling him; he was stood at the nurse's station, when Mark caught up with him.**

"Finally Shep, I've been calling you for about two minutes" Mark says, flashing a smile at the nurses.

"Sorry, I've been distracted"

"I noticed, does it have something to do with a skinny, dirty blonde who goes by the name of Meredith Grey"

"You heard"

"well the hospital gossip is that Ellis Grey daughter is the new neuro attending that Richard's been raving about, and the only daughter I remember Ellis Grey having a certain blonde, who you have always been in love with" Mark doesn't realise that Meredith is standing behind him at that point. Meredith puts her finger to her lips, telling Derek not to say anything. Mark turns his attention to the nurses, seeing a nurse that he hasn't seen before.

"You're new, I'm Mark Sloan" he says to the nurse.

"I know I've heard" she says to him matter of factly.

"Well, I'm the welcoming committee; do you want to go out for a drink tonight?" Mark says flirting with the nurse.

"Sorry, I'm married" she says flashing her wedding ring at him before walking off.

Meredith giggles, at seeing Mark being turned down, Mark turns around, and sees Meredith before pulling her into his arms, and it had been 5 years since he had last seen her.

"Grey, I missed you, where did you disappear too?" he asked, as Meredith pulled away.

"So, you still man whoring around, Mark. Something's never changes" Meredith says. "I'd been living in the Hampton's and spent the last year in Los Angeles finishing my residency and now I'm here"

"The gang's all back together" Mark says

"Not exactly" Meredith says.

"Grey, you and Shep will not be able to stay away from each other for more than a month, than the whole hospital will hear you're screaming orgasms" Mark says, causing Meredith to look down at her hands.

"Mark, that enough. We've got cases to work on, come on Dr Grey" Derek says, seeing that Mark had just embarrassed her.

"I'll see you later Mark" Derek says, leading Meredith in the direction of the elevators.

"You know what he's like Mer, he hasn't changed" Derek says to her

"I can see that" Mer giggles.

Meredith scrubs in with Derek later on that day, he wants to see what she had, how good she was, so he let her perform the procedure. The surgery went flawlessly, and Derek was impressed by what he saw. He also let her talk to the family after the surgery; he could see how good she was with people. He was always amazed at how she turned out to be the person she was, consider how cold hearted her mother was towards her. He always told her that she was different from Ellis that she would be a better surgeon than her mother, because she was kind, caring and compassionate which meant that she would be an extraordinary surgeon. That was the one thing that made in fall in love with her in the first place and even more so after he met her mother. While in med school, he heard so much about the great Ellis Grey, about what a wonderful person she was, and he always looked up to her, respected her, that was until he met her and saw how she treated her daughter.

It was the end of Meredith's first day, she was coming out of the elevator on the phone to Kathleen, when she saw Derek sitting down on one of the chairs on his laptop, she told Kathleen that she would be home in 30 minutes, and she knew that Kathleen wanted to see Derek on her trip to Seattle. She didn't tell Derek that Kathleen was in Seattle, since Kath wanted to surprise him. Has she walked over to him, Derek lifted his head up from his laptop, and flashed her, his mcdreamy smile. She felt herself go weak at the knees and her breath catch, he still had that effect on her, and she knew that he always would.

"Hey" she said, has she sat down in the chair next to him.

"So, how was your first day? How was it working with one of the best neurosurgeon on the west coast?" he asked, cockily.

"You're still have cocky has ever, I can see why you and Mark are best friends." She answered smiling.

"You wouldn't have me any other way" he said, confidently.

"And the ego is still there. We always said that that we would work together, I guess finally we are" Mer said.

"Yeah we did" Derek said quietly

"That was a long time ago, Derek. We were young"

"And in love. You know we can still have our dreams Meredith, after everything life has put us through don't we deserve them" he said.

"I meant what I said Derek, it's too late" Meredith reminds him of the conservation they had the previous year.

"It doesn't have to be, Meredith" Derek says reaching out to stroke her cheek.

Meredith stands up "Derek…don't" she says has she goes to walk away. Derek grabs her arm, spinning her around to look at him. Meredith is biting her lower lip, like she always did when she was feeling nervous.

"Don't what, Meredith…do this" he says has he pulls her close to him, lifts her head up, and before she knows it his lips are on hers. She forgets everything, expect for the fact that Derek is kissing her. Her head is screaming at her to pull away, but she can't. In that moment they are Meredith and Derek, before Addison, before their affair, before Adam. She feels her arms snake up around his neck, has his tongue beg entry which she grants, oblivious to anyone around them. They stay like that until Derek pulls away, breathlessly.

"I love you, Meredith" he says gently.

"I gotta go" she says, walking quickly out of the hospital, and gets in her car.

**Please Read and Review**


	14. Chapter 14

**Enjoy!**

**Meredith arrives back at her place, can't believe how stupid she was, kissing him, they seem to always do this dance, and it had to stop. She needs to make it clear to him and to herself that they can't be anymore than colleagues maybe friends if they can keep their hands off each other long enough. She still has his phone number on her phone, she decides to call him and ask him to meet her by the ferryboats docks. Kathleen agrees to stay with Adam a little while longer. When she arrives at the ferryboats, she sees that he has already arrived and he is sat down watching them, she sits down next to him, they sit there quietly for a few minutes, just looking out over the ferryboats, enjoying each other company. Derek clears his throat,**

"Meri, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have kissed you" Derek says, keeping his gaze straight ahead.

"Derek, we need to make boundaries, rules. We can't keep doing this, it not fair to either one of us" she says watching him

"Keep doing what Meredith" he states.

"I want us to be friends Derek; I've missed my best friend for all these years"

"I've miss mine too, if you want just friends, than I can do just friends, if that what you want"

"It is, it time for us both to move on, see other people. We know how we feel, but it never seems to work for us"

"I know but it doesn't mean…" Derek says trailing off, afraid to say anymore. Meredith just nods, resumes watching the ferryboats on the bay. All she wants is to hold him, to jump him there and then, she wants him just has much has he wants her. The words seeing other people keep repeating in her head. She knows that there will never be anyone else for her, but just now in this moment, she needs to believe that their love can conquer it all, he always told her to take it on faith, and she thinks if it is going to work out, than time will tell. She doesn't want him waiting for her, in case she is never ready, but she needs to hold on to that little bit of hope.

"I need you to promise me something" Mer says.

"Anything" he replies.

"Don't give up on us" she says quietly.

"Never" he says, taking her hand in his, they fit together like to pieces of a puzzle.

"I'm not ready yet, I love you but I just want to be friends, and no more at least not yet" she says.

"I will give you whatever you want, you know that" Derek reassures her.

"So, friends?" she asks

"Friends" Derek confirms.

They both sit there a little longer, both relieved to deal with things, both of them wanted to know where they stand with each other. They are both each other's port in the storm, no matter where the road takes them.

**We all know that Meredith and Derek can't be friends, they do still love each other deeply, that has never gone away, but they have also both hurt each other so much. Although after the next update, you might hate me considering who I am bringing in, but there is a purpose.**

**Please read and Review.**


	15. Chapter 15

**This is my favourite chapter for one reason and one reason only. When I wrote this, Meredith confront a certain someone, was something that I want her to do on the show, and I still wish she did. Please don't hate me for this.**

Over the next few months, they find their relationship deepens, they were always each other best friends, but their friendship has taken them both to new levels. They are both still in love with each other, and were often the subject of hospital gossip, until Derek started dating a nurse, which helps to put an end to all the gossip about them. Although this hasn't changed their relationship at all and at the moment this works for them. Meredith is stood by the nurse's station filling out chart, when she gets paged to Derek's office, she wanders what is going on, and it is unusual for Derek to page her, in the middle of the afternoon, especially to his office. She has a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach, she rushes to his office. Has she enters his office, she sees Mark there, both of them looking devastated. She indistinctively rushes to Derek side,

"Derek, what's happened" she asked, her voice full of panic, seeing Derek with tears down his face.

"Its mom" he says, fresh tears running down his face.

"oh god" she says, pulling Derek close to her, holding him while he breaks down in her arms. She lets him cry in her arms, until he is ready to tell her what happened. She can tell that he is no fit state to tell her what happened, she looks across at Mark, who is looking daze, but more coherent than Derek.

"Mark, what happened?" she asked.

"There was a car accident, Meredith, head on collision" Mark says numbly.

"Mom?" Mer asks.

"She at Mount Sinai, it doesn't look good Mer. Kath says that she is in surgery, but they don't think she will pull out of it" Mark says.

There is a knock at the door, none of them wants to see anyone else, at the moment, and they just want to be alone. The office door opens and in come a nurse, who sees Derek clinging to Meredith, Rose is not happy, but she can tell something happened, by the look on their faces, she walks over and sits down next to Derek, and tries to get his attention, but he takes no notice, he doesn't even feel her take his free hand. The only other person that he is aware of is Meredith. Meredith shifts on the sofa, not liking the look of accusation in Rose eyes, Meredith goes to pull away, has she does, Derek removes his hand from Rose's grip, and wraps his arms around her waist and says quietly, but not quiet enough.

"Mer, don't leave me" he pleads.

"I'm not going anywhere Der, I need to make a phone call, I need someone to pick Adam up" she says, he releases his grip on her.

"Der…Der" Rose says

"It's Derek, Rose," he snapped at her, no-one other than Meredith is allowed to call him Der.

"Okay, what happened?" Rose asked.

"It's got nothing to do with you, Rose, it's a family matter," he says harshly, wishing that she would go away.

"Meredith's here" she pointed out.

"Mer is family" he said, has Meredith walked back into his office. "Did you manage to find someone?"

"My neighbour, I need to book flights, and talk to the chief about getting us sometime off" Meredith says, has Derek walks over to her, sits down at his desk and pull Mer onto his lap.

"You don't have to come, Mer," he tells her.

"Yes I do Derek, you need me, and beside she was like a second mother to me" she said, resting her forehead against his.

"I know, thank you, Mer. I love you," he says.

"I love you too" she replies, just has Rose storms out of his office, none of them noticing.

Meredith manages to convince Derek and Mark to go home and pack while she goes to see the chief. Richard tells her to tell Derek and Mark and herself to take off as much time has they need, she thanks the chief, go back to Derek's office, and call the airline and books four seats to New York. She locks up Derek's office, head to the locker room to change out of her scrubs. She walks pass the nurses station and towards the elevator, when she hear Rose calling her name. She really doesn't want to deal with her; she really does not know what Derek sees in her, she looks like a horse, not that she is any threat to her.

"What is it?" Mer says, sounding annoyed, she just wants to pick up her son and get back to Derek.

"I want you to say away from him," Rose says.

"Excuse me" Mer says, not believing what she just heard.

"You heard me, I want you to stay away from him" Rose says.

"That's not your choice, and no offence Rose, you mean nothing to him" Meredith says, actually feeling sorry for her.

"How dare you. If it wasn't for you" Rose started to raise her voice.

"If it wasn't for me, what? Rose, the only reason Derek is with you is because I'm not ready for a relationship yet. I only have to click my fingers and you are history. He loves me, not you. It pathetic really thinking that a man, who is so clearly in love with someone else, actually has one ounce of feelings for you. Rose do us all a favour and go away" with that Mer turns on her heels and gets in the elevator, leaving Rose stood there with her jaw on the floor, fuming.

Derek gets back to his trailer, when he gets a text from Meredith saying that the flights are booked and that she will meet them at the airport. He is so glad that she is coming with them; he wouldn't be able to get through any of this without her. She is his lifeline, he feels a little guilty for what he said to Rose, she was just trying to be supportive but he couldn't talk to her, he doesn't want her. He knows that he is only using her until Meredith is ready. It hurts him when he sees the hurt in Meredith eyes, when she sees him with her, he is aware of what Meredith and her friends call her, Mchorseface. He knows that he has to end it with her, and start trying to get Meredith back. Derek quickly packs a bag, remembering to pick up a photo of him and Meredith taken a couple of years ago, it was the last photo taken of them. He packs it and leaves the trailer just has a cab pulls up, he had to pick up Mark on the way to the airport, neither of them was in the right frame of mind to drive, they both left their cars at the hospital. Both Mark and Derek stay silent on the way to the airport, Derek phone rings, the caller Id flashes Rose, he presses reject and turns his phone off, it Mer needs to get hold of him, she knows to ring Mark's phone.

**Please Read and Review.**


	16. Chapter 16

**This is a longish update. Enjoy!**

Five hours later, they landed in New York; Meredith called Russell before she left Seattle, asking if there was any chance of him having Adam, he agreed to meet her at the airport, from where they head straight to the hospital. None of them brought much luggage with them, so they decided not to bother going to the hotel. When they get to the hospital, the first person they see is Nancy.

"Nance, where is she?" Derek says

"She is in the ICU, Derek, Amy's in their with her" Nancy tells him,

"Okay, I'm going in, Meredith you coming?" Derek says.

"Derek, you and Mark go in, I'll wait here" she tells him

"Meri, I can't do this without you" Derek pleads with her.

"Derek, you know they only let two people in the ICU at a time. Mark should…"

Mark walks over to Meredith, "Mer, he needs you, I will go in afterwards" he says to her quietly.

"Okay" she says turning back round to Derek, Derek, puts his arm around her waist, guiding her into his mom's room. Meredith felt Derek pulling her tight, has he look at his mother, lying their, with tubes. He had seen this many time, always warning the families, how hard it was but to see from the other side, he realised no warning would prepare the families for seeing their loved one in this state. Amy walked over to Derek and gave him a hug, Derek never let go of Meredith. Amy left the room; Derek finally let Meredith go while he went over to his mother.

Meredith stood there watching Derek, seeing him in so much pain, ripped through her. Everything he felt, she felt. She knew watching him, that she was ready for this, her feelings for him had always scared her, she knew from the moment she met him all those years ago, that he was her soul mate, the love of her life. He was the one, who sat with her, comforted her when her mom died, even though she had tried to push him away. Russell gave up trying to comfort her, because she wouldn't let him, but Derek wouldn't let her, no matter how much she tried. In the bad times, it was always his love for her that always got her through those times; she just hoped that her love was enough to help him through this. Derek motioned her to his side; he pulled her onto his lap, while he spoke to his mom. They stayed like that for a few moments, just being in each other's embrace, it helped to ease the pain for Derek, the pain of seeing his mother with tubes coming out of her. He feels Meredith shift in his lap, he releases his grip on Meredith, giving her the chance to get up and move.

Meredith moves over to the door of the ICU, where Kathleen is standing in the doorway.

"How is he?" she asks

"Not good, Kath, does Mark want to see her?" Meredith asks her

"Yeah, he's worried"

Meredith gives Kathleen a little smile, and walks over to Derek, she gets on her knees and kneels in front of him, and she cups his face in her hands, raising his head to look at her.

"Derek, I'm going to wait outside"

"Mer, I need you"

"Derek, Mark wants to come in…"

"Oh…Mark…I'll come out with you" Derek says, standing up and pulling Meredith to her feet. Derek leans over and gives his mother a kiss on the forehead. Derek wraps his arm around Meredith's waist, his head on her shoulder has they walk out of ICU. Derek sits down in the family waiting area, with Meredith sat next to him holding him.

A few hours had passed with no change, all the Shepherd siblings take turns in sitting in with Diane, Nancy insisted that everyone stays at her house, Derek, Mark and Meredith said that they would stay at a hotel. Derek knew that Meredith wouldn't want to stay at Nancy's, and with Adam it wouldn't be easy and her and Nancy have never really liked each other. He didn't want to put Meredith in that situation, he noticed that Meredith wasn't around, than he remembered that this was where her mother had died, in his worry over his mom, he had completely forgotten about it and that the anniversary was only a couple of days away. He knew that she would go down to the NICU, and watch the babies, she found it calming, he did consider going down to find her, but he left her too it, she would come back up when she was ready.

An hour later, Meredith still wasn't back, Derek was starting to get concerned, it wasn't like her to disappear on him when he needed her, he was pacing up and down.

"Derek sit down" Mark said.

"Where is she?" Derek demanded at no one in particular.

"She probably just has gone for some fresh air. She'll be back, she isn't going to leave you Derek" Mark said, just has the elevator dings, and Meredith walks out of the elevator. Derek rushes over to her, pulling her close to him, Meredith is surprised at Derek's action that her arms stay by her side to begin with, before placing her arms around his waist.

"I was worried, Mer" Derek said to her quietly.

"I'm sorry Der, I needed a break" she said pulling away from him and taking his hand and leading him over to the seats. Kathleen comes out of the ICU and walks over to where Meredith and Derek are sat she sits down next to Derek.

"Derek do you and Mark want to go in, I'll stay out here with Meredith" Kathleen says to him. Derek gives Meredith a quick kiss on the forehead before heading into his other's room.

"Kath, what did the doctor say?" Mer asks.

"They sent her for a CT scan, there is some swelling, but they don't want to operate just yet. Apparently the force pf the impact was very hard, and they aren't sure if she is only to wake up. They want to do some more scans tomorrow, to check the pressure, CT, MRI, but they don't hold much hope. I haven't told any of the others yet, I mean how to tell them Mer, especially Derek, and losing mom would destroy him." she said, trying to hold back the tears, but unsuccessfully.

Meredith puts her arms around Kathleen, letting her cry. She can see how much Kath needs this right now.

"You have to tell them Kath"

"I can't, I can't even entertain the possibility that she might not wake up"

"I know, none of us can, but they need to be prepared"

"I will see what the doctor says tomorrow, than I will tell them, please don't say anything Mer"

"Okay, but you have to tell them tomorrow" Mer says, has Derek makes his way over to them. Derek sits down next to Meredith; she turns to him, seeing how tired he looked.

"Derek, let go to the hotel, and shower and get a couple of hours sleep, than we can come back so Kath can go home" Mer says.

Derek shakes his head. "Mer I can't leave her"

"Der, listen to me. It's only for a few hours; she wouldn't want you making yourself ill"

"Mer I can't"

"Derek, go and get some sleep, you look exhausted. Amy is staying here with her for the night, and she will contact you if anything changes" Kathleen tells her little brother.

"Okay," Derek says, turning to address Mer "only a couple of hours Mer"

"I promise, now go and get Mark"

"Okay, bossy I'm going"

Meredith, Derek and Mark make it to the hotel about 3am; Meredith had promised them that they would only be at the hotel for a few hours. She knew they all needed showers and some sleep. Meredith and Derek had adjoining rooms, while Mark had the room next door to Meredith's.

Meredith had just had a shower, and was about to climb into bed when she heard a knock at the door, she knew it was Derek since it was on the door that adjoined their rooms. He opened the door, and walked into the suite, he saw Mer was in bed. He gave her a weak smile.

"Mer, I don't want to be on my own, can I stay with you tonight?" he asked gently.

"Come on Derek, get into bed" she told him.

Derek climbs into the bed next to Meredith, she indistinctively moved closer to him, she puts her arms around him and pulls him close to her, she can tell that he is crying, and her heart goes out to him. She knows how close he is to his mom, and Diane had always been like a second mother to her. She can feel his eyes on her; it brings her out of her thoughts.

"Thanks Mer" Derek says to her quietly.

"For what? Der"

"For being here"

"Derek I wouldn't want to be anywhere else"

"Mer, I couldn't do this without you. You are the first person I want to see when something happens. Is there a chance for us to work this out?"

"Derek, I want…Let just get through this first, make sure you mom's okay, than we can talk about this"

"You promise, you won't…"

"I promise Derek, now let get some sleep" she says giving him a quick kiss on the forehead, before turning over a facing away from him.

"Goodnight Mer"

"Goodnight Derek"

They fall asleep on opposite sides of the bed, and somehow during the night they both feel cold, and indistinctively move closer to each other in the bed, until they entangled in each other arms, and then they both have the best night sleep neither of them have had for a year.


	17. Chapter 17

The next morning Derek is woken by his cell phone ringing, he realises that Meredith is asleep with her head on his chest, and the smell of lavender was whiffing up his nostrils. He reached for his cell, before it woke Meredith up.

"Hello" he answers. Not even looking at the caller id.

"Derek, it Kath. Can you come to the hospital?"

"What's wrong Kath?"

"Nothings wrong, just get to the hospital, Derek" Kathleen says before hanging up on him, he can feel Meredith shifting in his arms, he doesn't want to wake her, she looks so peaceful asleep in his arms. He leans down and kisses her on the head.

"Meredith, wake up" Derek says gently.

"What" she says groggily, still half asleep.

"We need to get to hospital" Derek says just has there is a knock at Meredith's door, Derek gets up and pulls on a robe. He is surprised to see Russell, standing there with a sleeping Adam in his arms.

"Hi, Derek is Meredith still here" Russell asks, taking in the fact that Derek is stood before him in just a robe.

"I believe she is still in bed, can I help?" Derek asks.

"I have been called away, and I have to leave immediately. So, I brought Adam back, I would take him with me, but I don't have his passport"

"I'll take him, I tell Meredith"

"Thanks Derek" Russell says passing a sleeping Adam to Derek. Russell turns to leave, but before Derek closes the door, Russell turns back around to Derek.

"Derek, can you promise me one thing"

"Of course"

"Don't hurt her again, she loves you. I guess she hasn't told you yet, but when she does, don't hate her for it. She did it to protect you; can I ask you one question?"

"What?"

"Why did you end your affair? You broke her heart, Derek"

"I did it to protect her, Addison discovered it and when I told her I was leaving, she threatened to ruin Meredith career and life if I continued seeing her" Derek says, not realising that Meredith is stood in the doorway of the bedroom, listening to every word they say.

"Tell her Derek, I had to live with her for a year after you left her, and she was not the Meredith that I knew, she thought that you didn't love her anymore, and that sparkle in her eyes just went. Anyway, hope you mom gets better soon." Russell says before walking down the hall way towards the elevators.

Meredith quickly got into shower, Derek heard it turn on, so he took Adam into his room with him, while he got dressed, a little while later, Meredith knocked on his door, and came in. What she saw took her breath away, there was Derek and Adam laid out on Derek bed, with Adam cuddling into him. She knew then, that she had to tell him the truth, but she just didn't know how to do it. She couldn't bear the thought that he would hate her.

She knew that they needed to talk; it was time that she told him about Adam but now wasn't it, they had to get to the hospital and check in on his mom, she walked over the bed, and sat on the edge of it. She gently shook him to wake him up; he jumped and opened his eyes.

"Hey, we need to get to the hospital, Der" Meredith tells him has Derek sits up on the bed, still holding Adam in his arms.

"Okay go and get Mark, and we will be down in a few minutes okay" Derek says leaning over and giving Meredith a quick peck on the lips, before ushering her out of the room.

Once Meredith had left his room, he lent down to Adam, and said to him quietly "I promise one day we will be a family Adam, you will have mommy and daddy together and loving you very much. You are my angel, looking after mommy when daddy couldn't. I just wish mommy would tell me the truth, I know that you are my little boy, but it up to mommy to tell me, and one day I hope that she will, it her place to" Derek scoops Adam up in his arms. "Let's go down and see mommy", with that Adam wakes up in Derek's arms.

"Hey buddy"

"Where daddy?" Adam asked him.

"He had go away, mommy's downstairs waiting for you" Derek tod him, not trying to feel the pain that the question caused him.

"Mommy" Adam says cuddling into Derek's chest, until they get off the elevator. Once Adam sees his mommy, it practically jumps out of Derek's arms and runs over to Meredith and Meredith picks him up, giving him lots of little kisses. Not noticing Derek stood back watching them with sad eyes.

"I've missed you mommy"

"mommy, missed you too baby" Mer said, looking over to Derek for the first time since he brought Adam down, the look of hurt in his eyes so evident to see. She noticed Mark walking behind Derek and saying something to him quietly, before they walk over to her and Adam.

"Ready to go Mer" Derek says, before heading out of the hotel. Meredith stands there in the lobby, a little shocked, it is the first time in a long time that he hasn't grab her hand, or pulled her close to him before walking anywhere.

Nothing was said in the cab on the way to the hospital, Derek kept staring out of the window, not making eye contact with anyone, and Meredith was playing quietly with Adam. Mark had never felt so uncomfortable sat between Meredith and Derek, Mark wasn't sure what was going on between them, since everything was good between them yesterday. Mark had noticed something unsaid between them since Meredith turned up at Seattle Grace, like something important had to be said, what isn't being said. When they arrived at the hospital Derek quickly jumped out of the cab, and rushed into the hospital, Mark was surprised at his assish behaviour it wasn't like Derek at all. Mark turned to Meredith, and opened his mouth to say something, but Meredith cut him off.

"Don't Mark, please" Mer pleaded with him.

They gets up to the ward, Derek is already up and in his mother room and Kath rushes over to them, and pulls them both in for a hug.

"Kathy what happened?" Mark asked.

"She woke up an hour ago" Kathleen tells them.

"Thank god" Mark says, collapsing in the chair behind him with relief.

"Meredith, mom's asking for you" Derek says has he approaches them.

"Why" Mer asks curiously, wondering what Diane wanted to say to her, she was surprised that she knew she was here.

"She didn't say, she just asked if you were here and tell you to bring Adam in with you" Derek said abruptly, before walking off. Meredith can feel the tears threatening to fall, while Mark, Kathleen, Amy and even Nancy stands there in shock; they have never heard Derek talk like that to anyone before, especially Meredith. Mark pulls her in for a quick hug, before going off after Derek. Meredith picks Adam up, and head toward Mrs Shepherd's room.

Mark finds Derek outside of the hospital, sitting with his head in his hands, Mark walks up to him.

"What the hell was that for?" Mark says angrily.

"What?" Derek says.

"Speaking to Meredith like that, that was out of order…" Derek goes to speak but Mark motions for him to stay quiet. "She has done nothing but be there for you for all this, not leaving your side, and you treat her like this. That woman would go to the end of the earth for you, and you know what Derek, you don't deserve her" Mark says getting up and walking away, leaving Derek to his own thoughts.

**Please Read and Review.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Mama Shep, speaks to both Meredith and Mark, and finally discovers what happened between Meredith and Derek all those years ago. Enjoy! **

Meredith walks into Diane's room, with Adam walking beside her.

"Hey Meredith, look at you Adam, all grown up. Thanks for being there for Derek through this entire time Meredith, he doesn't realise how much he relies on you."

"Diane, Derek would be fine without me"

"Meredith, it mom, it always have been. No it wouldn't, these past few months, since you came back into his life, he has been the Derek he was all those years ago when you guys first met. I never asked you what happened Meredith, and I don't want to know. All I know is this, my son loves you so much Meredith, I see the way he looks at you, it reminds me of his father. Meredith, a love like that only comes once in a lifetime, so grab it while you can. I want to see my son happy with the woman he loves and his son" Diane says, leaving Meredith dumbfounded. "I know Adam is my son's Meredith, I've known it since the first day I saw Adam when he baby, he was the image of Derek. You need to tell him, Meredith" she adds gently. Meredith just sits there for a moment, processing the information, she says quietly.

"I know but what if he hates me"

"He might be upset at first, Meredith, but he won't hate you. Anyway he will have me to answer too if he does" Diane says to her, taking Meredith's hand. She can see that Meredith is terrified of telling him.

"Well, can I have a cuddle from my grandson" Diane asks. Meredith passes Adam over to her, so she can have a quick hug. None of them see Derek stood in the doorway, watching them. The words that Mark said to him, hit him hard, she was always the one he turned too, she had put up with a lot of shit from him over the past 13 years, and she still loves him. He was upset and a little angry that she had never told him about Adam, but it was up to her, he knew that she would tell him when she was ready to tell him.

Derek walked into the room, Meredith felt him enters, she didn't look at him, he looked at he, noticing that Meredith was refusing to look him. He walked over to his mother.

"Hey mom, how are you feeling?"

"A little tired, just having a chat with Meredith"

"Mom, I'm going to take Adam out for some breakfast, he needs to eats" Meredith says leaning over and giving Diane a quick kiss.

"Derek, why don't you accompany them" Diane says to him.

"I need to talk to Adam alone, mom. I'm going to take him to the diner across from the hospital." Meredith says, just before she leaves the hospital room, Derek follows her out, and grabs her arms, pulling her towards him.

"Let me go, Derek" Meredith spits at him, Derek lets her arm go.

"Mer…" Derek starts before Meredith walks away from him; Derek runs his hand through his hair, not noticing Mark walking up beside him.

"She not happy with you, Derek" Mark says stating the obvious.

Derek walks away in the opposite direction, while Mark goes into see Diane, he hadn't had the chance to see her since she woke up. When he walked in the room, she was sat up on the bed, with her eyes closed. Mark sat in the chair which Meredith vacated not five minutes before, and took her hand in his. Diane opened her eyes, and looked at him.

"Typical isn't it" she says to him.

"What's that mom?"

"I haven't seen or heard from you in five years Mark, or my son in a year after a 9 year absence, and has soon has I have an accident, you all show up. If I knew that what it took I would have had an accident years ago" she tells him, Mark laughs. "It not funny Mark Eric Sloan"

"I'm sorry mom"

"Thanks for being for there for Meredith after that idiot son of mine"

"How did you know?"

"Meredith told me, when she first moved to the Hampton's, when I told her Derek was married to Addison. What happened between them Mark?"

"It not really my place to tell you, it up to them"

"Mark, we both know either of them will talk about it, and I told Meredith I didn't want to know, which wasn't exactly true, so please Mark, what happened" she asks him.

"Okay, but you didn't hear it from me" Mark says, Diane nods. "It was at the party that we had celebrating our graduation. I don't know exactly what happened; just that apparently Meredith saw Derek and Addison kissing. I found her outside my apartment later that night; I said that I was going to call Derek, knowing that he had been worried about her, that when she told me, what she saw. The next day I thought that I had convinced her to go and see Derek, knowing that he would have never cheated on her, he loved her too much. Derek told me last year that apparently Addison had told Meredith, that they had been having an affair, for about 6 months. You know Meredith, she has never been much of a talker, and I guess she ran" Mark tells her.

"I never did understand why he married her" she says.

"I think he wanted to get married, and she was practically throwing herself at him. She knew that he didn't love her, but I don't think she cared."

"So, what is this girl like that he seeing now, what her name?"

"Rose"

"Yes, Rose"

"She is okay, I guess. I don't really have much to do with her unless its in the OR"

"Is she a doctor?"

"She a scrub nurse"

"A nurse, so he has gone from a doctor to a nurse. What does Meredith think of her?"

"Honestly, she can't stand her; I know that all of Meredith friend's calls her mchorseface. I know that Rose hates their friendship especially has that the first person Derek turns to is Meredith. You should have seen her reaction the day with we were told about your accident, the only person that Derek could see that day was Meredith; they've always told each other I love you, and she stormed out. If I wasn't so worried about you, it would have been quite funny." Mark tells her, looking closely at her reaction.

"So, he doesn't love her than" she asks, Mark takes particular notice to her tone, the one that say please tell me he doesn't.

"No…he is still in love with Mer"

"So, what is actually going on between Derek and Meredith than, Mark. I can see how much Derek relies on her and the love they have for each other, so why is he seeing someone else, especially after Addison and everything"

"Something about them being friends which is a load of bull" Mark says before noticing Diane glaring at him, which he looks away from her.

"Has Derek said anything to you about Adam?"

"No he hasn't. Why?"

"Mark, can you do me a favour" she asks

"Of course, mom. What is it?"

"Meredith and Derek need to talk, I can tell they both putting it off. If I get Kathleen to have Adam for the night, can you book them a restaurant, somewhere that they can talk?"

"You playing matchmaker mom"

"No, like I said they need to talk about something"

"Okay, I know just the place. I don't know how to convince them though"

"I'll get Kathleen to work on Meredith, you just work on Derek"

Mark gives Diane a hug and a kiss before leaving her room, and going to find Derek. Nancy tells him that Derek has gone to the canteen with Amy. He books them a table to two at a restaurant which he knows that Derek would like. It is just convincing him, in the end it is Diane who convinces Derek to go, telling him that whatever is bothering the both of them, it needs to be sorted. Meredith isn't has difficult to convince, she know that this is the right time, she is scared but it not about her or Derek, it is about their son.


	19. Chapter 19

**Here is the talk. Enjoy!**

Meredith arranges to meet Derek down in the hotel lobby at 8 o clock, Derek wanted to pick her up some her room, but she knew this wasn't a date, it was time to talk, and she was not looking forward to this. She looks at the dress that Kathleen made her buy for this evening. Mark had given her a heads up on the restaurant; Mark had been there several times when he lived in New York. Meredith was dressed, just fixing the last of her makeup. She was sat there staring into the mirror, trying to convince herself that it would be okay; she looked at her watch, and noticed it was 8:05.

"Shit" she muttered to herself, grabbing her wrap and bag, before rushing out of the hotel room, and onto the elevator.

Derek had been sat in the hotel bar since 7:30; he could hear Meredith getting ready in her room, so he needed to get out of there. He knew that she wanted him to meet her downstairs, instead of knocking on her door. This wasn't a date, or was it, he knew that this was the night that he would find out the truth, and he hoped that this was the night, they finally put this merry dance to rest, they had spent the past three month skirting around their true feeling and maybe it was about time that they finally got it together. He sat nursing his scotch, looking at the clock above the bar; he noticed it was 8:05.

"Where is she?" he muttered to himself, rooting in his pocket for his mobile, than he heard it, the voice he had been waiting for.

"Derek"

Derek turned around and what he saw took his breath away, the beauty of the woman who was stood in front of him. His jaw had literally dropped to the ground.

"Well, aren't you going to say anything?"

"Sorry, you look absolutely stunning, Meredith"

"Thanks" she says blushing, not noticing that everyone in the room is staring at her. Derek moves closer to her, strokes her cheek, his action for her and only her. He leans down and lightly brushes her lips with his own, and rests his hand in the small of her back.

"You ready to go Mer" Derek asks, Meredith nods her head and Derek leads her outside to a waiting cab.

The arrive at the restaurant, the waiter showing them to their table, in a private area away from the rest of the patrons, which Mark requested, the waiter sits them down at their table and hands them their menu before leaving them to decide what they want. Meredith looks around the restaurant,

"This is cosy, Derek"

"Mark booked the restaurant. I've never been here before"

"So you never brought Addison here"

"Meredith, I would never bring you somewhere that I had taken Addison, just like I never took Addison to our places back in New Jersey."

"I know you wouldn't. We have been together for the past 6 years Derek, and there is so much we never talked about."

"Your right, there is, but we can start here tonight, Meredith" he says, reaching across the table and covering her hand in his, just has the waiter comes over, they order there drinks, and looks through their menus. Derek is feeling a little apprehensive, suspecting even kind of knowing, isn't the same has actually hearing the words coming out of her mouth. A part of him want to tell her to stop, not to say the words, but a bigger part of him wants to know for sure, he wants her to tell him that Adam is his son, he peers at her from over the top of his menu, and can tell she her biting her lower lip, something that she has always done when she is nervous.

"Is there something on your mind, Meredith?" Derek asked, Meredith was never surprised at how well he could read her, she just wished that he could read her mind, about Adam, and not have to actually tell him. Her biggest fear was that he would never talk to her again; she knew that once she told him, he would never leave Adam, that he would be the father that Adam deserved, but she was terrified of losing him. She took a deep breath, and closed her eyes for a moment; she knew that this was the time, the time that Derek found out the truth.

"Derek", she heard herself speak, Derek said nothing, seeing how hard this was for her. "I am so sorry; you know how much I love you, right?"

"I know Mer" he said taking her hand in his.

"Please don't hate me" she pleaded with him.

"Meredith, nothing you could say would make me hate you" Derek told her gently, trying to reassure her.

"It's about Adam, I never meant to hurt you, or keep you away, but Adam is your son" she said, not realising that she was holding her breath. She kept looking downward, terrified of his reaction. Derek just sat that, not knowing what to say to her, even thought he knew, that Adam was his, to finally hear the words from her mouth, to have all of his suspicions confirms, to know that Addison had told him the truth, that previous year had still come has somewhat of a shock.

Meredith after a few minutes, finally looks up at Derek, the look of fear so evident in her eyes, she searches Derek eyes always being able to read him, and for the first time she can't.

"Derek, please say something?" she pleads with him quietly.

"Meredith" Derek says, seeing that she is about to freak out.

"I knew this was a bad idea, I've got to go" she says standing up.

"Meredith Ellis Grey, sit down"

"Did you just full name me?"

"Yes, I did. Now, sit down" he tells her, Mer just stands there staring at him.

"Please, Meredith" he says to her, she sits down. "You have to give me time to absorb all this, okay. I kind of knew that Adam was mine" Mer goes to say something but Derek silences her. "Last year when I told Addison I was leaving her, she blurted out that Adam was my son, obviously she didn't know for sure, and she said it to hurt me, wanting to me to think that you kept something major like that from me. I understand why you never told me, we were both married, and Russell hinted that you had something to tell me when he dropped Adam off this morning.

"Why didn't you ask me?" She wandered.

"I didn't ask you because it was your place to tell me Mer. I knew that when you were ready that you would tell me, you would"

"You're not angry?" she said, with a shaky voice.

"No, Mer, I'm not angry. I am a little disappointed" he tells her.

"Oh god" Mer says closing her eyes.

"With myself mainly. That day I saw you with Adam at Kathleen's barbeque, seeing you with a child that wasn't mine hurt so much. I never wanted kids with anyone else but you. To see you with his child in your arms, that broke my heart. That night I did wander if he was mine" he tells her, trying to be has gently has possible.

"I could see the hurt in your eyes that evening, when Addison asked if me and Russell was proud. I never wanted you to feel like that, and I am so sorry, Derek"

"Meredith, you have nothing to be sorry about, we were in difficult circumstances." He said leaning over a giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Now let's order some food". He said picking up the menu.

**So what did you think? Please Read and Review.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Please don't hate me. Enjoy!**

The rest of dinner went well; Meredith was telling Derek stories about Adam. Both of them was enjoying it just being the two of them, just like old times, both of them had missed this, just being able to be them. To any onlooker, they were two people in love, to the outsiders they were loves young dream, living their happy ever after, but nothing was further from the truth. Derek paid the check, and he and Meredith walked out to a waiting cab that took them back to their hotel. Neither of them wanted the night to end, they were enjoying their selves too much, Meredith suggested stopping at the hotel bar for some drinks before going back to their rooms, alone.

When the got back to the hotel and walked into the bar, neither of them noticed a dark haired woman watching them very closely, Derek had his arm around Meredith's waist, whispering in her ear, Meredith giggling Derek gives her a kiss on her head. They ordered their drinks, and Derek saw a couple of his sisters sat at one of the tables, Derek grabbed Meredith's hand, and pulled her towards them. Rose never took her eyes of them, seething. She was furious seeing them all dressed up like they had just being on a date, he had never wore a suit whenever they have gone out of a date, and the fact that Derek couldn't keep his hands off Meredith infuriated her. Rose doesn't sense Mark approaching from behind. Mark can't believe his eyes; he wanders what she is doing here.

"What are you doing here?" Mark says to her, following her eyes to where Meredith and Derek are sat. "They look happy don't they?" she turns and looks at him, giving him an evil look.

"Mark, I thought Derek could do with some support" she said, looking back at Meredith and Derek, Meredith is laughing at something that Amy said, Derek has his arm around her shoulder and pulls her close to him.

"I think he has all the support he needs, don't you?" Mark says quietly, so only Rose could hear him. "Come on Rose, look at them, they can't stop touching or looking at each other. Do you actually think you have a future with Derek?" Mark hisses at her. She can feel the tears well up in her eyes, has Meredith drags Derek up to dance. Both Mark and Rose can hear Derek protesting, and Mer pouting at him. Derek shakes his head, and let Meredith pull him up.

Derek pulls Meredith close to him, has she wraps her arms around his neck and rests her head on his chest. Derek buries his face, in her hair; let the smell of lavender overtake his senses for just a minute until he pulls away. Meredith raises her head to look at him, Derek leans down a give her a light kiss on the lips, Meredith is just about to part her lips, and deepen the kiss, than they both hear someone saying "Derek".

Rose could see watching them, that they were about to kiss, and she couldn't allow that to happen, if he was going to kiss anyone it was going to be her. She walked away from Mark, and over to where they were, and said "Derek"

Derek closed his eyes for just a second, praying that he hadn't heard her, than he hears her saying his name again, he pulls away slightly from Meredith and quietly says "I'm sorry" to her before turning and looking at Rose.

"What are you doing here?" he asked; think how dare, she interrupts his time with Meredith. Rose moves closer to him, and goes to kiss him; Derek moves his head, so she just catches his cheek. He can feel Amy and Olivia's eyes on him, questioning him to who this was. He knew that Meredith had left his side, and saw her walk to the bar. He excused himself and followed Mer to the bar.

"I had no idea she was coming Mer"

"Derek, it's okay. She is your girlfriend" she says not looking at him.

"Meredith"

"What?" she snaps at him, finally making eye contact with him. He is shocked to the anger in her eyes.

"I promise, she goes back to Seattle first thing in the morning"

"You know what, I don't care, Derek. I hope you have a good night with her tonight."

"Meri, don't" he says.

"I know I wanted to wait before we resume any kind of relationship, but I wanted you to prove to me that I could trust you, I guess all you prove is that I can't trust you" she says quietly, but her voice full of anger.

"What do you mean you can't trust me?"

"I asked you to wait but you go off with the next woman that comes along. Twice now, you have chosen someone else over me. Do I actually mean anything to you, Derek? Or, am I someone that you keep around to be your bit on the side. I am sick of it, Derek, I'm sick of being second best to you. I love you more than anything, but do you feel the same Derek, because I'm not sure you do. If you want me back, prove it, prove to me that I can trust you; I love you so damn much that seeing you with her hurts, every time you touch her, kiss her, or even laugh with her, my heart breaks into two. I can't do this anymore Derek" she says before walking away, Derek grabs her arm, and pulls her back to him, and kisses her hard, a kiss that is filled with all the love and longing that he has felt for her, until Meredith comes to her senses, she slaps him across the face, and with one glare she walks away, and over to the table, to get her bag, has she passes Rose she says to her.

"I hope you happy with him Rose, you deserve each other" she says to her, not even trying to be nice. She gives Amy and Olivia a quick hug before going to the elevator and up to her room, with tears running down her face.

Derek stays sat at the bar, not quite believing what she just said. He orders another scotch, Amy sits down beside him.

"Der, what happened?"

"Amy, why do I always screw up with Meredith?" he asks, sadly.

"I don't know Der"

"She said that she was always second best with me, but she isn't. She is the one person that is constantly in my thoughts, she is the first person I think of when I wake up and the last person I think of before I go to bed"

"Have you told her that, Derek?"

"No"

"Derek" he hear Rose say. Derek turns to her. "Rose coming upstairs"

"Yes" she says happily, Derek groans, that woman is way to happy for his liking. Derek gives Amy a kiss and a hug. "Tell Livvie bye, and I see her at the hospital in the morning". Derek heads towards the elevator, with Rose close behind him, they finally make it up to his floor, and Derek lets them into his suite. What Derek doesn't see is Meredith opening her door, and she see Rose going in after him, she had hoped that her little speech had woke him up, but obviously it hadn't, she closed her door, and let the sobs over take her body.

**Please Read and Review**


	21. Chapter 21

**All was not as it seemed at the end of the last update. Will he do the right thing? I got this up as quick as I could coz I didn't want to leave you waiting. Enjoy! **

The next morning, Derek wakes up in his bed, he knocks on the door that joins his and Meredith suite, and there is no answer. He opens the door, assuming that she was still asleep and hadn't heard him. He walks into the bedroom, noticing that Meredith's bed is still made, that she obviously hasn't been to bed, a feeling of dread fills his stomach, has he rushes back into his room and calls Kathleen. Robert answers the phone.

"Milton resident"

"Rob, is Meredith there?"

"No she left a couple hours ago; she said something about seeing mom"

"Okay, Is Kathleen there?"

"She got called away on some emergency consult"

"Thanks Rob" Derek says hanging up. Derek tried ringing her mobile again, but still no answer, she had even turned her answer machine off. He ran his fingers through his hair. He decided to go and get a shower, than he would see his mother that would be the only other place, she could have gone.

An hour later Derek makes it to the hospital, Mark opted to come in a little later. He made it his mother's room, walking in expecting to see Meredith and Adam; he is surprised to find his mother in the room alone. He walks over to the bed, leans down gives his mother a kiss on the forehead, Diane Shepherd opens her eyes, and stares directly into the eyes of her son; she could almost swear that she was looking into the eyes of her late husband.

"What did you do this time Derek Michael Shepherd?"

"Mom, I have no idea what you are referring too"

"I am referring to the woman who came in here early this morning, to say goodbye"

"To say goodbye. Mom, where did she go?"

"I assume back to Seattle. She never said, so what happened Derek?"

"We had a great time last night that was until Rose turned up that is"

"Rose, where is she now?"

"I think she is probably in her own room, we broke up"

"I'm sorry" she says, trying to sound sincere.

"Well, I should have never started anything with Rose is the first place mom. It's Meredith, it's always been Meredith. Mom, how could I have been so stupid?" Derek says burying his face in his hands.

"Derek, you are my son, and I love you but sometimes you are an idiot. You make thing so much more complicated for yourself. So, she wasn't ready when you were, you should have waited Derek" Diane says scalding him, has if he was a child.

"I know mom. She asked me last night to prove to her that she can trust me. I need to show her that she isn't the second best, that it her and only her I want." Derek said, knowing that he would have to do something pretty special to make it all up to her. "Are you sure she never hinted at where she was going, mom?"

Diane shakes her head "she didn't say Der, but if she wants you to find her, it would probably be a place which is special to the both of you" Diane tells him, just has Kathleen walks into the room. She walks over to Derek, and smacks him on the back of the head.

"What on earth was that for?"

"Meredith is right for a brain surgeon, you're pretty brainless. And, that is for hurting my best friend yet again" she says, still mad at him.

"Do you know where she is Kathleen?" he asks, Kathleen looks at him, he actually looked worse than Meredith did. She considers lying to him, but she also thinks back to what Meredith said to her at the airport.

_If he asks, don't tell him where I am. Just tell him if he want me to trust him, than he will figure out where I am, and prove it to me" Meredith told Kathleen. Kath nods and pulls her in for a hug, just has they announce her flight._

"I've just taken her to the airport, Derek" she tells him, Derek goes to get up, and leave. "Derek, she told me that if you asked where she was to tell you that if you want her to trust you, than you have to find her"

"Where she gone?" he asked, has he sits back down feeling like all the air had been sucked out of him, he can't lose her not again.

"She said you would figure it out. Derek, she wants you to find her, so it somewhere that you know."

"I can't just take off after her, what about mom?"

"What about me, Derek? I'm fine; do you have an idea of where she could have gone?"

"Well, it either going to be Chicago, or Florida"

"What so special about those places?" Kathleen asks, already knowing the answer but he doesn't realise she does.

"Well, Chicago is the place where we first met up again, and Meredith's got a condo in Florida, it was where we used to…" Derek trails off, realising that Florida is where she went. "I got to go, are you sure you don't mind mom"

"Derek go, call me when you speak to her"

"Thanks mom" giving Diane a quick kiss, and rushing out of her room. Diane looks at Kath.

"She did get on the plane, didn't she?"

"Yes, she did, with some persuasion. She didn't really want to go"

"I know she didn't, but Derek needed to realise that losing her for good was not an option" Diane said.

"I know mom, but Derek will kill us if ever find out"

"Well, we better hope that he doesn't find out then"

Derek leaves the hospital, he doesn't bother going back to the hotel, he heads straight to the airport. He quickly texts Mark, and tell him that he will be back in a few days, that he needs to pick up the rental car from the hospital. An hour later he gets to the airport, he is told that the next flight to Florida isn't until the later that afternoon, he gets a ticket, since he has several hours to kill, he goes into the departure lounge and sit at the bar, having drinks.

**Horsey (can't even say her name) is gone. I might post the next update later.**


	22. Chapter 22

**I said I would update again today, so here it is...We also return to the flashbacks so anything in _Italics _are flashbacks. Enjoy!**

Meredith lands at Miami airport, just has Derek is boarding his plane, during her flight; she wandered if she was doing the right thing. She was mad at him, after the good time they had last night, she couldn't believe that he would sleep with Rose. She still wasn't sure that Diane was right, she was fully expecting him not to come after her, even thought she hoped that he would. She was grateful that Adam slept through most of the flight; it gave her time to think.

They got into a cab, and Adam woke up, he looked around at his surroundings, and then back at his mother.

"Mommy, where are we?" he ask sleepily.

"We are going to nana's place" she tells him, giving him a kiss.

"I like nana's"

"I know, baby"

"Where Uncle Derek, and Uncle Mark?"

"They are still in New York, baby. We will see them soon. Okay?"

"Yes, mommy" he says cuddling into his mother.

They arrived at the condo, and settled in what little she brought with her. It had been years since she last been here at the condo, she was struggling to fight off the memories of Derek, since they spent a lot of time here during their affair. She remembered that they had no food in the house, after she made their beds, she decided to take Adam out for some dinner, she remember a small café, that sat overlooking the beach, and decided to take him there for something to eat. She needed to get away from all the memories, she wasn't sure that this was the best place for her to come.

Five hours later Derek was relieved to finally get off the plane, he knew that it would take a couple of hours to get from Miami to Daytona Beach, but it was worth it. Derek knew it wouldn't be easy to convince her, he had hurt her so much, but it hurt him too. He had to make her understand that he still loved her that Rose was nothing more than a distraction to keep him from feeling alone, he had promise Mer that he would wait, but he hadn't. He had been flattered by Rose interest in him, knowing that Meredith wasn't ready, or he had interpreted it has being not interested in him anymore, when he knew that it wasn't the truth, that Meredith wanted him to show her that he loved her, that their affair for the previous 6 years had been much more than just lust, and he had failed them. He now hoped that Meredith would forgive him and finally get to be the couple they were before Addison lied, to finally be Meredith and Derek. He was looking forward to discovering his son, and his future wife, knowing for sure that she was the love of his life.

Meredith arrived back at the condo after dinner, she bathed Adam and put him into bed, she got the bottle of wine that she brought and poured herself out a glass. She settled down and watched some television, her mind not really on the show that she was watching, her mind wondered back to the last time she saw Derek here at the condo, 2 years ago. At the same time, Derek was in the cab, thinking about that same moment.

_Meredith had arrived a couple of hours before, Russell wanted to take Adam too his parents and luckily for her it was the weekend that Derek had off. She was pacing the length of her living room, waiting for him, it had been four months since she had last him, and she just wanted to feel his arms around her, his flesh on her, to wake up entangled in his arms. She heard his key goes into the door, when he entered; like always he took her breath away. Meredith jumped into his arms, and kissed him deeply, to show him how much she had missed him. Derek pulled away, and smiles at her_

"_I guess you missed me"_

"_You have no idea"_

_Derek carried her into the bedroom laid her on the bed. He undressed her; he took a few moments to scan her body, as if he was taking a mental image, before undressing himself. He laid on top of her, their bodies melting into each other so they become one again, Derek kissed her, Meredith deepens the kiss, ands he feels his erection pressed against her. Derek kisses her neck and sucks working his way down to her nipples, Meredith grabs his curls and pulls him to look at her._

"_Derek, fuck me"_

"_Are you sure"_

"_We have all weekend to make love; I need you inside of me"_

"_Okay", he says, coming up to kiss her. Derek quickly leans over Mer to the bedroom cabinet draw and grabs a condom and Meredith helps him to put it on. Derek places the tip of his penis to the entrance of her folds, slowly dipping it in and out, then quickly thrusts into her._

"_Oh…" Mer quietly shouts, Derek's stops allowing her moments to adjust to his side, before thrusting in and out,_

"_Der…faster, please" Mer begs. Derek goes faster, darting his tongue in and out of her mouth mimicking his penis thrusting in and out. Derek can feel himself cumming._

"_Oh fuck Mer…I'm cumming" Derek shouts out, Meredith can feel herself hitting her orgasm._

"_Derek…fuck" she screams, has they cum together, their fluid mixing with one another. Derek stays inside her a little longer not wanting to lose this connection to her. He pulls out of her, chucks the condom in the waste basket; has he rolls off her, and pulls her close to him, spooning her, gently kissing her on the head, breathing in her scent._

_They lay there, relishing the fact that they are together once again. Derek is terrified of letting her go, Addison had discovered that he had been seeing Meredith. He knows this is the last time he will ever see Meredith, and he has to tell her, but he doesn't want to. Meredith lays there in his arms, worried, Derek has always made her feel safe, but right now she feels that he is slipping away from her, she want to ask him, but she is too scared._

_Over the next two days, they spend most of their time in bed, Derek wants to remember this weekend, and in some sense so does Meredith. On the final day, she plucks up the courage to ask him, what had been nagging at her all weekend. She walks out onto the balcony, watching Derek sips the wine; she poured out for him an hour before._

"_Derek, what going on?" she asks, Derek grabbed her and pulled her down on his lap. He buries his face into her hair, breathing in the lavender from her conditioner._

"_Meredith, I can't see you anymore" he says, Meredith pulls away from him, Derek lets her go._

"_Why"_

"_I just can't do this" Derek can't look at her in the eyes, he can't stand the thought that he is about to break her heart, all hopes that they had for the future would be lost. He was about to give up the love of this life,just so he could protect her. He knew that he would suffer from the loneliness for the rest of his life, he would miss the daily little phone calls they had, seeing her when he could get off, never making love to her again. These thoughts terrified him, but he wasn't going to let Addison ruin her life, she did not deserve that._

"_So, you're leaving me for her again" Meredith yells at him._

"_Meredith, I love you so damn much, which is why I'm doing this" Derek says with tears running down his face._

"_Love me, if you love me Derek, you wouldn't leave me. Please don't leave me, not again" she begs breaking down in front of him. All he wants to do he take her in his arms and tell her that he doesn't mean it but he can't. Seeing her break down in front of him breaks his heart. Derek walks __into the bedroom that he has shared so many passionate nights with the woman that he loves so much and more than life itself. He packs his bag, unable to hold back the tears any longer._

_Derek walks back out of the bedroom, and see Meredith huddled on the couch, he leans down to her._

"_I'm so sorry Meredith, I do love you. I hate myself for what I'm doing to you, I just hope that one day you will understand" he says, giving her a kiss on the top of her head, before standing up and walking out of the door. Meredith watches him walk out the door, hoping that he would turn around and say he was making a mistake, but he didn't. She was supposed to go home that night, but she couldn't face it, not without him. She stayed at the condo, curled up on the sofa, crying, and didn't move all night._

The taxi Derek got finally arrived at the condo, he paid the taxi driver and got out, he breathed in the sea air, before entering the condo complex. A thousand thoughts ran thought his head, what if it was too late, what if she wasn't there. He wanted the love of his life and his son; he arrived on the 19th floor of the duplex and outside her door. After a moment he knocked, praying that she would answer the door.

Meredith was laid on the couch, drifting off to sleep, when she heard some knock at the door, she wasn't going to answer, not in the mood to be dealing with anyone, than she heard the person knock again. Has she got up off the sofa, and went to answer the door, she groaned, she answer the door, the next moment, she felt his lips on hers, she didn't respond at first, but she melt into the kiss and had no desire to make him stop. Derek pulled away from her breathlessly, his hands grabbing her waist so she couldn't escape from his grip.

"Meredith, I love you"

"I'm…"

"Me and Rose should have never started. I think Meredith after 16 years we deserve our happily ever after"

"Derek that last night in New York when I told you about Adam, I was ready to tell you that I love you, I want this, I want us"

"Meredith, all I have ever wanted is you. Please show me that you trust me, that we can finally after everything, to be the people that we could have been the first time I asked you to marry me" Derek gets down on one knee and pulls out the ring he had got from his grandmother 12 years previously, the ring that was meant for her, but she never got to see.

"Meredith Grey will you marry me"

**Sorry another cliff, and although this is already writing, what do ya think?**


	23. Chapter 23

**Enjoy!**

Meredith looked at him in shock; alright she wanted him to prove to her that he wanted him that he still loves her, but this she was not expecting.

"Mer, I don't expect you to marry me right now, but this is all I have ever want is us, and you can't tell me that you have never wanted this"

"Derek, I have always wanted to marry you, you are person that made me believe in love, but you have hurt me so much, I just don't anymore, Derek" Derek stands up, and lift her head to look at him, he can see the tears forming in her eyes.

"Meredith, I know the way thing worked out, wasn't the way we planned, but all of these years I have never stopped loving you. We were suppose to married, have a house full of kids by now, and I have not wanted that with anyone but you, not Addison and certainly not Rose. I still want that with you and you alone, I know I have a lot to make up to you, and I will spend the rest of my life doing that, if you let me. I want to marry you, and I know deep down you want it too, so Meredith Ellis Grey, will you do me the honour of accepting my faults, my brainless and become my wife" Derek says gently, leaning down and kissing her so gently on the lips, he had misses those soft lips of her so much over the past few months, and pulls away slowly.

"Yes, I'll marry you" Mer says, has Derek kisses her deeply. Has their tongues meet doing a dance around each other, they can feel the heat and passion rising in them, and Meredith pulls away breathlessly..

"I love you"

"I love you too, Der" she said kissing him, never wanting anything other than what was in her arms. Meredith pulls away from Derek.

"Der, you still have to prove to me that I can trust you. Just because I said yes, it doesn't mean that things can just go back the way they use to be. I'm not planning any wedding until I can completely trust you again" Meredith tells him.

"Meredith, I will do whatever you want me to do. I know I've screwed up in the past, but this time I promise you that I will make it up to you. I want to do everything with you, I want to marry you, have more kids with you, build a house with you, and die in your arm at 110"

"Those are just words Derek, I know you mean them, but you have to show me that you mean them"

"I will Mer"

"You better because this is the last chance I am giving you. You hurt me again and that will be it. I haven't told Adam yet about you being his father, you need to let me approach it with him when the time is right"

"That up to you, I will not say anything to anybody until you're ready. I will take us as slow as you want"

"There will be no sex, until I can start trusting you"

"What about kissing?" Derek asks cockily.

"Kissing I don't mind" she says before Derek captures her lips on his, he tongue begs for entry, which she gives freely. The kiss start slowly, and full of love, but gets more passionate, Meredith feels herself melt into his arms, finally feeling at home. Time stops, just in that moment they forget everything, except for the need for each other. They both pull away, breathlessly, still wrapped up in each other's arms, either not wanting to let go, in case they were dreaming. Derek buries his face in Mer's hair, allowing the smell of lavender that he missed so much fill his senses.

"I love you Meredith" he whispers, into her hair.


	24. Chapter 24

**Enjoy!**

Later that night once Meredith had gotten Adam settled into bed, after reading him a story and kissing him goodnight, she walked back out into the living area to find Derek asleep on the couch, she stood there watching him sleep, still not quite believing that he actually followed her, she wasn't sure that he would. She looked down at the ring he gave her, not believe how beautiful it was. She noticed that it looked like this grandmother's ring. She looked back towards Derek, decides to let him sleep, she makes herself a coffee and walks out on the balcony, looking out over the water, watching the sunset, she closes her eyes, and lets her mind wander back to their first date.

_Meredith heard the door go, downstairs, she was still trying to decide what to wear for her first date with Derek. She can hear him talking to Margaret, Angela's mom, she finally decides on a long white sun dress, and a pair of white flip flops. She didn't wear make up so that made it easier. She looked at herself in the full length mirror, deciding that she looked alright. She could feel the butterflies fluttering in her tummy, still not quite believing that someone has hot has Derek was, would want to go out with her._

_She felt his eyes on her has she walked down the stairs, her eyes met his blue. She couldn't take her eyes off him has she walked down the stairs, she reached him._

"_Hi" she said_

"_Hi, you look beautiful Meredith" he said to her, Meredith just smiled at him._

"_You ready to go, Mer"_

"_Yeah", she grabs her wrap from Margaret, and Derek places his hand at the bottom of her spine, she felt the electricity shoot up her spine. Derek shows her to his Porsche opens the door for her to climb in. He goes around to the other side of the car, and gets in._

"_So, where are we going Derek" she asks, knowing that he has been very secretive about it._

"_It's a surprise, Mer"_

"_I don't like surprises"_

"_You will like this one" he says leaning over a giving her a quick kiss on the lips. They drive for about 20 minutes along the beach, just making small talk until Derek pulls up to a car park, that overlooks a small cove. Derek grabs her hand, and shows her to an area of the beach, with a picnic all lay out and a bottle of champagne. Meredith stands there, not believing that he did all that for her._

"_Do you like?" Derek asks seeing the shocked expression of her face._

"_You did this for me!" she says in surprise._

"_Yes, you never had this before have you?"_

"_No, I love it, Der" she says turning to face him, and pulling him in for a kiss, which takes him by surprise, her tongue runs across his lips, asking for entry, which he gives freely. He lets her take control, and a few moments later, they both pull away _

_breathlessly._

"_Wow" Meredith says_

"_Yeah, our first kiss" Derek says, pulling her even closer to him. "We will have to do that again"_

"_Yeah, thank you for this Derek"_

"_Mer, you worth it, let's go and eat shall we" Derek says, leading her over to the picnic and Derek pulls her down onto his lap._

Meredith feels someone wrap their arms around her waist, she smiles softly, leans back onto his chest, and they stay like that for a few minutes, just enjoying being back in each other arms. Derek kisses her lightly on the top of her head, and buries his face in her hair.

"Mer" he says softly.

"Yeah"

"Just so you know, if you did have any doubts, it over between me and Rose"

"I did wander. Can I ask who ended it, Derek?"

"Does it matter?" he asks.

"Just tell me"

"I did, after you left the bar, I took her up to my room and told her, I didn't want to tell her in front of everyone, it wasn't fair to her" he tells her, Meredith stays silent and closes her eyes.

"So, you didn't sleep…"

"Oh god Mer, no. I never slept with her, I couldn't bring myself too, and beside she isn't you" Derek tries to reassure her.

"Okay" she says simply has Derek pulls her over to a chair and pulls her onto his lap; Meredith rests her head in the crook of his neck, while Derek holds her. He notices that she keeps looking at the ring.

"You do like it, don't you?" he asks.

"Der, I love it, it's beautiful"

"A beautiful ring for a beautiful woman"

"That cheesy, Der" she giggles

"Maybe, but it's true" he says, has Meredith shifts his lap, turns and faces him with her legs wrapped around his waist.

"Derek is I right in thinking this was Lily's ring"

"Yes"

"When did you get it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Lily died a month before we broke up and before you asked me to marry you, the first time"

"She gave it to me, a couple of days before she died"

"Why didn't you give it to Addison?"

"Meredith, that ring was never meant for Addison. Grandma always had insisted that you were the love of my life, she said, that we reminded her of her and grandpa, and that, that kind of love only come once in a lifetime. She wanted you to have this ring" he says, kissing the top of the ring. "I had intended on giving you this ring, the night after the party. I had arranged a place where I was going to ask you again, but obviously…"

"I left…" she said, with tears running down her face. "Der, I am so sorry…"

"Ssshhhh" he says, kissing her.

"Don't… it wasn't your fault. I have always kept this ring on me, Mer knowing that one day; I would give it to you. I love you"

"I love you too, I love you so much" she says, pulling him towards her, and their lips meeting, they can feel the love in the kiss, the love that has stayed with them for all these years, a love that either of them wants to live without ever again. They both pull away breathlessly.

"Der, i am going to bed, will you be okay on the couch"

"I will be fine, Meredith, it been a long day, so I'm tired" Meredith kisses him gently on the lips.

"Goodnight, Derek" Meredith kisses him one more time before going back into the apartment, and Derek stays out there, watching has the water hits the beach, and he can't remember a time when he was so happy.

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	25. Chapter 25

**Enjoy! Rated M**

Meredith is laid in bed tossing and turning, she couldn't stop looking at the ring, they hadn't even slept together in over a year, but knowing that he was laid out there on the sofa, she couldn't sleep she needed Derek arms around her, she crawled out of bed and quietly opened her door, and could see Derek raising his head and looking at her, he sat up and watching her has she walked over to where he was sat, and sat down beside him, she interlinked her hand in his.

"Derek"

"Yeah"

"What I said earlier about no sex and not sleeping together?"

"yeah"

"I didn't mean it"

"Didn't mean what, Meredith?" Meredith leans over to him and kisses him hard, before she deepens it, and she straddles him, before pulling away from him and standing up, holding her hand out to him.

"Let's go to bed, Der"

"Is this what you want?" Meredith kisses him, and starts pulling him towards the bedroom, saying against his lips. "I want you"

Meredith kicked the bedroom door closed with her leg, has they made their way over to the bed. Derek was running his hands through her hair, pulling it so he could get to that spot on her neck the spot that turned her on. Derek found it started nipping at her neck.

"Oh god..." she murmured, Derek pulls away and smiles at her, leaning down to kiss her, which she instantly deepened, running her fingers through his curls, she pulled him on top of her has she laid down on the bed. Derek pulls away from her, and give her a smile, the smile that makes her go weak at the knees, she was glad to be lying down on the bed.

"Mer, are you sure about this?" Derek asks remembering her declaration of no sex earlier in the evening.

"Derek, I want you" she told him, pulling him down to meet her lips, not needing entry to his mouth, she caressed his tongue with her, in just one kiss telling him how much she wanted him. Her hands wandering do to the waist on his jeans, undoing his belt, and his jeans pulling them down. Derek lifts his hips of her, allowing her to push his jeans down. Meredith can feel his erection pushed against her vagina. Meredith giggles, causing Derek to pull away from her and look at her.

"What?" she giggles.

"Nothing...I forgot how much I love your giggle Mer" he told her.

"Derek shut up and undress me"

"Okay bossy"

Derek run his hands down her curves down to her waist, lifts the hem of her t-shirt, and pulls it off her, he pulls away taking in her form, starting to recommit it to his memory. He undid her jeans and pulled them down, tossing them aside, leaving her lying on the bed, in just her bra and knickers. He takes his own shirt off, Meredith sits up so they are face to face. Running his hands over her body, he says to her.

"I've missed you so much"

"I've miss you too" she says has Derek unclasp her bra, pushing her down on the bed, he gives her a light kiss on the lips, before taking her nipple in his mouth, he sucks and bites on it, Meredith lifts herself slightly off the bed, moaning quietly. He latches on to her other nipple, sucking and gently biting; Mer moans again, he can hear her breathing getting shallow. He plants little kisses all the way down to her navel, working down to her bikini line; he pulls the knickers down, Mer kicking them off with her legs.

He works his way down to her clit, licking and sucking, he can feel her juices running into his mouth, Mer grips the side of the bed, moaning, has Derek keeps licking and sucking.

"Oh...Fuck" she moans, starting to feel herself going over the edge, has she has her first orgasm.

"Oh...Derek" she screams has she releases hot cum into his mouth. He licks her clean, plants little kiss on her clit has she rides out her orgasm. Meredith finally comes around to find Derek's blue eyes staring back at her green orbs.

"You taste so good Mer" he says has he kisses her, Meredith goes to roll him onto his back, but he stops her.

"What are you doing?"

"What do you think I'm doing, the same thing you..."she starts, Derek kiss her.

"Meredith tonight is about you" Meredith goes to say something, and Derek silences her.

"No argument Meredith"

She nods at him, Derek pulls away and stands up, he goes over to his jeans pocket and pulls out a condom, Meredith smiles at him.

"We were hoping to get lucky tonight?" Meredith says, has Derek lays on top of her, Meredith body fitting perfectly underneath his.

"I'm always prepared Mer" Meredith helps him to slip the condom on; he places the tip of his cock at the entry of her throbbing core. Slipping his cock in and out, teasing her.

"Derek stop teasing me, I want you inside of me, I need you inside of me" with that Derek enters her slowly, until he fills her, Meredith lifts her hips of the bed, causing him to go in even deeper. He pumps him and out of her, has he darts his tongue in and out of her mouth, Meredith throws her head back has she starts to orgasm first.

"Fuck...Derek"

"Meredith...oh god"

"Fuck...Derek" Mer screams has she reaches her peak. "Oh...fuck...I'm cumming"

"Oh Mer" has he spills into her, Derek collapses on top of her, staring into her eyes, getting lost in them. This was exactly where they both wanted to be, in each other arms, nothing could tear them apart in this moment.

"I love you Der"

"I love you too Mer" he says kissing her. He rolls off her, tossing the condom into the bin, Meredith cuddles into him with her head in his chest. They fall asleep wrapped up in each other arms.


	26. Chapter 26

**Enjoy!**

The next morning, Derek wakes up to find Meredith not in bed with him, he can hear her talking to Adam, and laughing, he never gets tired of hearing her giggle. He pulls on his briefs, and jeans and shirt, before leaving the bedroom. He walks out and head to the kitchen, he stands in the doorway and watches Meredith with Adam, he knew that she would make a great mother, but to actually watch her, showing how different she was from Ellis, he knew that she always worried that she would turn out like her mother, but she amazed him at how different she was. Meredith looks up from playing with Adam, and she smiles at him.

"How long have you been up?" she said, standing up, has Derek walked into the kitchen, and walks over to her. He cupped her chin in his hand and pulls her towards him, giving her a quick peck on the lips.

"Good morning to you"

"Good morning" she giggles. "Do you want some breakfast?"

"Mer, you can't cook"

"Well, no and I don't have any muesli either"

"That's okay, I'll just have a mug of coffee" he says, bending down to Adam.

"Hey, sport."

"Uncle Derek" he says lifting his arms up to Derek. Derek picks him up and looks at Mer. Mer shakes her head; she can see the question in his eyes. Adam reaches his arms out to his mother, who takes him from Derek.

"Der, I'll be right back" she says has she walks out of the kitchen, Derek stands there and runs his hands through his hair, he had hoped that she had told Adam that he was his father, but she obviously hadn't. He wandered when she was going to tell him, and if he would understand. He pours himself out a mug of coffee, and hears Meredith walk back into the kitchen, he turns and faces her, seeing that Adam is no longer in her arms.

"Der, I know I have to tell him, but I need to do it when I think it time"

"Mer, I don't want to pressure you, but you have to tell him sometime"

"Derek, I will tell him soon, I promise" she says wrapping her arms around his waist and looking up at him. "I'm taking him to the park later, let me take him on my own and I will tell him then, but I don't know how much he will understand though" she gently pleads with him.

"Mer, I just don't want him finding out in a couple of years times and wandering why we never told him" he says kissing her forehead.

"I know Der, I will today"

"Meredith, when you're ready, like I said I'm not going to pressure you. It just, it hurts when he calls me, Uncle Derek and not daddy" he tells her honestly.

"Der, I'm so sorry..." Derek kisses her, she opened her mouth to allow his tongue to explore inside her mouth, has their tongues caress one another, she moans, and deepens the kiss, running her fingers through his hair, they completely forget about Adam sat in the other room, Derek picks her up and she wraps her legs around his waist, he places her on the worktop, and begins to push her dressing gown aside, and works on her panties, until Meredith quickly pulls away, breathlessly.

"Der, we can't. Adam"

"Shit" he says quietly. Meredith looks down at his erection and laughs.

"Mer" he groans "not nice. Think I better take a cold shower"

"I'm going to get Adam dressed and you have your shower" she said, kissing him quickly, before hopping off the worktop, leaving Derek in the kitchen.


	27. Chapter 27

**This is where Meredith tells Adam about who is father is. Remember _italics are flashbacks._ Enjoy!**

When Meredith walks into her bedroom, she finds Derek getting dressed; Derek walks over to her and pulls her close.

"When are you taking Adam to the park?" he asked.

"As soon as I get dressed" she says quietly.

"I know your scared, Mer"

"I just..." Mer trails off.

"Meredith, what?

"Nothing"

"Mer, don't do that"

"Do what?" knowing exactly what he means.

"The avoiding, the shutting me out. Meredith I want to know what you're worried about"

"How do I explain to a five year old, that everything he knows is a lie. I don't know if he will understand"

"Just explain that he has two daddies, or something. I don't know" Derek said frustrated. "You're his mother Mer; you'll know what to say"

"Okay" Meredith says gently, still feeling terrified.

Meredith decided to take Adam to the park at the bottom of the beach, when they arrived at the park, she remembers that this was the park that Ellis had taken her too, to tell her that her father had left. She still remembered that day so clearly, the day her whole world fell apart, the park hadn't changed much, and Adam ran off to play, while Meredith sat down on the bench, before being transported back to that day.

_They had just arrived in Florida when Ellis decided that she was going to Meredith to the park, Meredith was 5 years old, and she was playing on the swings, calling out to her mother._

"_Mommy...Mommy look at me" Meredith shouted. She knew that her mother wasn't playing an attention, so she swung herself higher into the air, knowing that her mother would hate it._

"_Mommy, look how high I can go. Mommy" she shouted, Ellis looked at her._

"_Meri not to high please, you could fall"_

"_I won't mommy; I'm a big girl now" Ellis walked over to the swing, and grabbed it, to stop Meredith and picked her off the swing and walked over to the bench that she was sitting on._

"_Meredith, i told you not to go too high, you need to listen to mommy"_

"_Okay" she answers her mother, they sit there quietly, and Meredith looks at her mother, wanting to ask her something._

"_Mommy" she says._

"_Yes Meri"_

"_When are we going home?"_

"_I don't know yet, Meri"_

"_When will daddy be home?" she asks, remembering mommy and daddy fighting the night before they flew down to Florida._

"_Daddy's not coming home"_

"_Why" she asked with the innocence of a five year old._

"_He left us, Meri" she tells her daughter giving her a cuddle, has Meredith cries into her mother. _

"_Meredith, go and play"_

"_Okay, I love you mommy"_

"_I love you too, Meri" Meredith jumped up and ran back over to the swings._

That was the last time that could remember her mother telling her that she loved her, the memory brought tears to her eyes, she noticed that the tears had spilled down her face. Adam looked at his mother from the roundabout that he was playing on and could see his mommy looking sad. He leaped off and ran over to his mother, and sat besides her giving his mother a cuddle.

"Mommy you're crying"

"Mommy fine"

"Mommy you always say that" Adam says, not realising what it means.

"Mommy does, doesn't she?" Adam just nods his head, agree with her.

"Adam, mommy needs to talk to you"

"I've been a good boy mommy, I haven't been naughty" Adam says trying not to cry. Meredith looks at her and Derek's son, and can see that Adam is about to cry.

"Hey, baby don't cry, you're not in any trouble, you have been a very good boy, and mommy is so proud of you. It about daddy and Uncle Derek"

"Is Uncle Derek going to be living with us, mommy?" he asks, not quite understand what his mother is talking about.

"No, not yet. Listen, Uncle Derek is your daddy"

"But I already have a daddy, he lives in New York" Meredith knows that he doesn't understand what she is telling him, she tries to think of a way to make him understand.

"Your friend Jack, has two daddies. One that lives with him and one that he sees at the weekends.

"Yes, mommy"

Well, Derek and Russell are like that. Derek is your daddy, like Jack's weekend daddy and Russell is more like Jack's other daddy."

"So, Derek is my real daddy"

"Yes, darling"

"But I have a daddy. Do I have to call Uncle Derek daddy" Meredith just shakes her head, knowing that it would really hurt Derek if he didn't call him daddy, but she knows that in his own time he will.

"Can I go and play, mommy" Meredith nods her head, watching her son, running over to the seesaw and playing with his new friends. Meredith lets him play for a while, before deciding to head back to the condo, she knows that Derek will be there waiting for her to return, she is a little worried about Adam reaction to all this, but she has no idea what to do with it, she just hopes that it will all work out.

She gets back to the condo, two hours after she left, she can smell that Derek is cooking, she missed his cooking. Adam heads straight for his bedroom, went they enter the condo, Meredith walks into the kitchen.

"Hey" she says quietly.

"You're back"

"Yeah" she says walking up to him and kissing him.

"How did it go?" Derek asked, he saw the look of panic in her eyes, and could tell that she was ready to avoid.

"Meredith, what?"

"I think he understood, but..."

"Just tell me."

"He won't be calling you daddy anything soon" she said, sounding worried.

"Is that all Mer" he said trying not to laugh but it escaped.

"You laughing at me now" she said, has she turned Derek grabbed her arm and spun her back towards him.

"Meredith, I don't expect him too"

"But you said..."

I know what I said Mer, but he is 5 years old. He loves Russell I know that, I do not want to replace what he means to him"

"If I had said something..."Derek pulls her in for a kiss, to silence her, when Derek finally breaks away, she can't remember what she was saying.

"Go and get Adam, and we will sit down and have some lunch"

"Okay, love you"


	28. Chapter 28

**Here is the final the final update. Enjoy!**

Meredith and Derek spend a further week in Florida, before flying back to New York; it gave Derek and Adam time to get to know each other. Adam had started to come round to the idea of Derek being his daddy, but he was still trying to understand it. Adam was still calling Derek, uncle, but Derek knew that it would take time. Derek enjoyed spending time with Meredith and Adam has a family, he was just looking forward to the day that Adam started calling him daddy. They had to be back in Seattle in a few days, but they wanted to see how his mom was doing. Diane had been released from the hospital two days before; she was staying with Kathleen for a few weeks until she was completely on her feet again. Meredith and Derek were staying at his mom's house in New York until they went back to Seattle. Diane had insisted that they stay there while she was staying at Kathleen's. Derek put Adam in his old room, while he and Meredith had one of the guest rooms.

They had dinner plan at Kathleen's that evening; it was just going to be them, Kathleen, Robert and Diane. Nancy had gone home to the Hamptons the day before, has one of her patients had gone into labour. Amy and Olivia had other plans with their partners. Meredith was glad that Nancy had gone home, they still didn't get along and Mer knew that they never would.

She was in the shower, and could hear that Derek was chasing Adam around the house, she could hear his laughter has Derek caught him. It warmed her heart to hear that Adam was trying to accept it, he still asked her about Russell, and when he would see his daddy. She was amazed at how in just a week her life had changed; she finally had the family that she had always wanted since the first day that she had met him. Her life had finally made a turn around. She knew that this was it, that she couldn't imagine her life without him. She was lost in thought, when she felt someone wrap their arms around her waist and pull her towards him; she looked on in the blue eyes of the man she loved. He captured her lips with his, his tongue running across her lips begging entry, has she let his tongue entry into her mouth she moaned into his mouth, she felt herself get wet, has their tongues continued to caress each others. Derek pushed her against the wall of the shower, his hands working down to her ass, and he placed a finger inside of her, and flicked her clit with another finger, Meredith let out a loud moan.

"Sshhh, baby. Adam's in the other room" Derek puts another finger inside of her, before placing the tip of his cock at the entrance of her heated core. He places it inside of her, gradually pushed his cock inside of her, he pumped in and out, Meredith bit down on his shoulder to stop herself from calling out, they both climaxed together. Derek stayed inside her, feeling connected to her, the way that he loved, he never wanted to pull out of her, so he stayed in for as long has he could. He finally pulled out, let Meredith get her breath back, and he kissed her, and whispered to her "I love you forever"

**THE END**

**There is a sequel I'll Be There, which we be up in the next couple of days.**


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